It is I, Maris The Great! You are certainly are a bunch of rowdy mortals. You shall tell My Greatness about some of it. Let us begin with your infamous birthday shows.

Reed: Well, we’ve done two birthday shows over the last two years. They are called “Reed’s birthday, riot extravaganza.” I basically stole the idea from Badluck 13’s riot extravaganza. They are the Hardcore band out of Pennsylvania that try and throw a riot every time they play a show. We try to do that every year at our show. It’s just a cool excuse for people to get rowdy and break shit. So far, we’ve had all sorts of weapons. Baseball bats, thumbtacks, light bulbs, anything on fire, 2 by 4’s, chains, brass knuckles, The shit hits the fans (laughs). Everyone breaks shit and runs for their lives.

And what happened with your most recent show in Trinidad?

Justin: Oh man, that was fucked up!

Reed: Yeah, that was crazy. What happened was we all went down to Trinidad, Colorado to play a skate festival with all the guys I skate with. Conspiracy skateboards. They offered us to play the after party at this bar down there. Trinidad is a po dunk town.

Tyler: Trinidad is for people that like to fuck family members and shit like that.

Reed: Yeah, it’s a shit hole, but they have a great skate park. So we went down there to play the show. Two other bands went: down there too: The Allergies and The STDs.

Justin: Trinidad is like a four hour drive from Denver.

Reed: Yeah, so they got through both of their sets. We were all getting rowdy, getting drunk and doing all sorts of things anyone would hand us (laughs). Basically, we got on stage and I was wasted beyond belief. I looked around and a lot of stuff was broken. I guess while we were playing a bunch of people were breaking shit and the owner flipped out.

Justin: I don’t know if it had anything to do with what happened that night, but I only saw one chair flying around. Anyway, we’re playing “Angel of Death” and the owner runs up and just unplugs my guitar equipment while I’m playing. I immediately start screaming “THAT IS EXPENSIVE SHIT” and yelling about “fucking her up” and suing the entire bar. As soon as I turn around there are four police officers in the room. They made us pack up all of our stuff and leave the bar. Of course Reed and I demand to get paid but the owner wasn’t having any of our shit. When we get outside and all of our equipment is loaded, two more police cars roll up. The police make us leave the area around the bar and a buddy of Reed’s says we can chill at his skate shop. While we’re there, the police knock on the door and the next thing we know Reed’s buddy is telling us we have to go. The police tell us we have to leave town (laughs).

Reed: Yeah, we’re all like “way to go, make wasted kids get in cars and drive.” So, we all pile into cars. Some of the people were sober enough to drive. We had a police escort of about four cars, following us ten miles out of town before they turned around. We ended up going to a random piece of land that my buddy owned and we camped there (laughs).

Justin: We ended up starting a fire out of old STD’s songbooks and wood a guy had.

Reed: I’ve been kicked out of venue, but never out of a town. (Laughs)

Didn’t you also just have a personal brush with the law?

Reed: Yeah, I’m being charged as a felon for smashing up an ATM while I was drunk, at another skate festival (laughs). I don’t remember doing it, but they have it on video tape. I saw the tape my lawyer showed me. It showed me smashing up an ATM (laughs). I’ve been going to court in Glenwood Springs, Colorado for the last seven or eight months. We’re just bringing it to a close. There’s $10,000 worth of damage and the possibility of jail time.

You shall attempt to hook me up with a couple of beefy inmates, while you’re locked up..

Reed: Yeah, yeah, I’ll look for as much beefcake as I can find you.

Very well then! now that we’ve got some of your criminal history out of the way, let’s talk about the music. It’s rather difficult for My Greatness to categorize DDC musically. What the hell are you?

Tyler: I would classify DDC as metal/thrash/hardcore. I have only been in the band for two years, but since I joined, we have gotten way heavier and way more technical. I think that all that comes with time. I think when you are younger you are gonna play easier stuff and as you learn new things you want to incorporate them into songs. That’s how change happens most of the time anyway. DDC has always been into Metal, so we started to play more metal, like songs with hard break downs. It stuck really well with our name, so why not. We love to play all that shit a lot, so yeah!

Justin: The best way to describe our music was in a review I read of our birthday show. It said we’re a mix of Metal and Hardcore, but not fuckin’ gay Metalcore. When we first started, we were just like into Thrash, like Toxic Narcotic and Capitalist Casualties and full on noise grind like Anal Cunt. We really just started like that. For awhile, we thought it would be a good idea to be political. But with our style of music, most people couldn’t even tell what we were singing about.

What was your political point of view, mortal?

Justin: Mostly, we just wrote songs about being liberal (laughs). Most of us are pretty liberal, except for Death Metal Tyler, who is gay and voted for Bush.

Your political system is irrelevant to the undead, but tell me why you chose to vote for such a mortal as Bush?

DMT: I voted for Bush because he had an idea, he’s a cowboy and he said he’s going to kill some people for me (laughs). He had a plan, he’s stuck with it and he’s being aggressive. Quite honestly, I think he’d be even rougher, but due to politics, he’s doing it the way he is.

Reed: Tyler is also out of the band after this interview (laughs).

DMT: I like violence and rednecks.

Justin: I like rednecks as much as the next guy, but I can’t stand a redneck that can’t even pronounce his own words. I mean, all rednecks have trouble pronouncing their words, but Bush has extra trouble at it. I don’t think he should be representing me in any way.

Tyler: I don’t like George Bush because he just always expects everyone to agree with what he says. He is always waiting on applause after he says something like, ” You push, we push back,” or some fuckin shit like that! I hate that motherfucker so much. He is the fucking Anti Christ!

Aren’t you “white power,” Tyler?

Tyler: Heil Hitler (laughs)

Band: Don’t print that!

Why not?

Tyler: We’ve already been though that shit where people thought we were white power and hated us.

I thought you were white power

Tyler: Nope. We’re not.

But you played a Bound For Glory song on my radio show and bragged about it being white power

Tyler: Bound For Glory are just a sweet, fuckin’ thrash band that sing about dumb shit (laughs) Great music though.

Reed: It’s good music, bad message.The thing everyone needs to know about Tyler is that his Dad is Polish and his Mother is Mexican. He used to work at Fashion Nation (a Punk clothing store in Denver). There used to be all these White Power Skinheads that would come into the store and give him CD’s. They’d be like, “listen to this brother.” They just thought he was a white kid. Tyler thought it was cool. He’d be like, “this music rules!” We’d all just listen to it and laugh because it was offensive and funny. Tyler thought it was cool that he was getting free CD’s (laughs). But he’s only half white.

How do you feel about racism?

Tyler: I don’t really care about racism, people are always trying to say that we are all created equal, well not according to George Bush. According to him, we are at the top and everyone else at the bottom. Hmmm, whites at the top, blacks at the bottom sounds familiar, but anyway people are going to believe what ever they want so quit trying to stop it.

DMT: I like music with bad messages. I like fucked up music. I like Anal Cunt, GG Allen and Screwdriver. It all makes sense to me. I just like controversial, fucked up shit. I like “Gore Porn Grind.” It’s the most fuckin’ disgusting death metal in the world. Did you see fuckin’ Exhumed when they were last here? They were like, “This song is about taking your girlfriend back and melting her vagina shut!” (Makes a low, death metal growl an sings) “Forged in fire, formed in flames, you will never fuck again! I also like Anal Blast.(screams) “Getting high on cunt blood!”

Justin: Anal Blast is fuckin’ sweet dude. I love Anal Blast.

Speaking of the topic of anal, you have a magnificent, hairy buttocks. Are you proud of your hirsute nature?

DMT: Until recently, I didn’t know how hairy it was. I mean, I knew it was hairy, but I didn’t know it was so drastically different from other asses.When it was finally brought to my attention, I could only be proud. You can’t be ashamed of something like that.

So, you won’t be shaving it for some female mortal?

DMT: No. I’d never shave my ass for someone else. I keep it hairy for me…and for Maris The Great.

Most acceptable!

Reed: We want to shave “Slayer” in one cheek and “Thuglife” in the hair of the other (laughs)

You also have very long testicles

DMT: Again, I didn’t realize my balls were so different from other balls. I didn’t realize having your balls hang to your knees was unusual (laughs). When I used to fuck my girlfriend from behind and my balls smacked her in the eyeball, I just assumed that was normal. (more laughter).

Do any of you have a name for your wee wee?

Reed: I named mine Ray, after the one and only Ray Charles.

Justin: That’s because his dick doesn’t see shit (laughs)

How did it come about that you became the singer of the band?

Reed: Well, originally, Justin and I both wanted to play guitar. I’ve always played guitar. We initially switched off. We used to have songs where I would play guitar and he would sing. It just eventually ended up where I became the singer. I have always loved to sing, ever since I as little. My Mom would make me listen to Blues records. I would always listen to those and sing to that. Justin and I would bounce ideas off each other. We would sit in my room and practice screams and shit. I’ve had so many influences. Everything from Death Metal to Punk Rock.

Is there anyone you try to emulate when you sing?

Reed: I’ve always been heavily into GG Allen. I just always have wanted to be loud and offensive. When I started, it was just kind of like that loud, Punk yell. Now that we’ve come along, it’s more like high pitched screams and low pitched screams. It’s mostly just shouting (laughs).

What kind of music do you dislike the most?

Reed: Word up, dude…Screamo. We have a song called Anti Screamo Coalition. It’s probably one of the best songs we’ve ever written. We are the leaders of the Anti Screamo Coalition. We are the klan that is going to destroy Screamo and bring back Rock and Roll. Pop Punk, Screamo, Metalcore, Post Hardcore, Post this, Post that – I fuckin’ have my hair in my eyes…that shit…it really pisses me off, because those kids aren’t into it for the duration. This is my fuckin’ life, dude. This is what I live. It’s ridiculous how these kids show up. It’s five minute fashion. It makes me so angry. Those kids all need to go to hell and give me a handjob on the way down.

Tyler: Honestly, Emo and Screamo were not a big deal until everyone in the world thought it was cool to be sad, wear girl pants, have really gay hair and act gay, literally! But in my heart, if there is one thing that is more pathetic than Emo it is Goth. Those old ass guys and bitches act worse than Emo kids. They wish that they were dead and shit. Well then fuckin kill yourself!!

You also have it in for a male mortal by the name of Mike Nelson (“Mike Nelson Is A Bitch”). Please share with my readers who this mortal is.

Reed: (Laughs). Mike Nelson was a weather man here in Denver. I wrote that song when I was like, 15. He came to my school when I was in eighth grade. He was like “Oh…everybody twist like they’re a tornado…and I’m gay…” I met him afterwards and he was just a total asshole. I thought, how hilarious would that be to write a song called “Mike Nelson is a Bitch.” While he was standing there talking, I was like (singing) “Mike Nelson, Mike Nelson, Mike Nelson is a bitch!” (Laughs) The lyrics are pretty retarded. It’s awful.

Tell me about your best oral gratification experience

Justin: I honestly didn’t like getting head until about a year ago because every girl that gave it to me, either got bored with it, or used their teeth or something.

Ah Ha! You see why female mortals are not superior?

Justin: Yeah…but my last couple of girlfriends have given the most amazing head. It was more than glorious. It was magnificent.

Reed: It was American!

Justin: It was American! (Laughs). Recently, I’ve ran into girls that know what they are doing – girls that really knew what to do with a penis in their mouths, rather than just pretending it’s a microphone. Girls, if you ever find yourself with my penis in your mouth, just shut the fuck up and go for it. Don’t stop. Don’t slow down. Just go for it…and once I’m done, you’ll know.

Give me one great experience

DMT: I was in a band called Auschwitz Airlines. We were driving to Colorado Springs (Colorado) for a show and I brought this girl I was with at the time. The show got canceled and I was bummed. So when we were driving back to Denver, she was giving me a blowjob while I was driving.

Reed: No way! I’ve never had that done!

DMT: Yeah, but the conclusion of the story is I blew my load, but got some on my pants. I wanted to wipe off so I wiped it off with an American flag.

Reed: No way.

Dmt: Seriously. True story.

Justin: I once got road head. I hit a speed bump and it made her…(emulates yelling, as if his wee wee has been bitten off – everybody laughs)

Tyler: The key to good blowjob is to get your teeth out of the way. I have received good and bad but I really don’t care about all that. I just want a girl that loves me for who I am and shit you know…and seriously girls I am not that immature!

Don’t waste your breath, drumming mortal. Female mortals don’t know how to properly care for male mortals.

Reed: I have a question. Have you ever gotten head and had a girl gag?

Band: Yeah!

Reed: Did that not boost your confidence or what? (everybody laughs) It’s great because you know you’re reaching into places you’re not supposed to reach. You’re hitting the hanging ball in the back of her throat, dude. You’re playing punching bag blowjob (more laughter)

DMT: You know, beyond all this talk, I’m not in this for sluts of fuckin’ groupies. I in this for the music. I’m in it for the music, boozin’ and partying. I like genuine people – guys or girls that like the music. I don’t give a shit about the rest.

So…how did you hook up with Sin and Antidote Records and how did the first album come about?

Justin: I went to a lame ass Colorado Music meeting and listened to a bunch of guys talk about how awesome they were at recording. That’s where I met him. I kept on pestering him and pestering him to come and see us. He finally did and liked it, so he decided to hook us up with a record. We put him through hell though.

Why did it take so long to get the album out?

Reed: Because Justin is a lazy ass

Justin: I wasn’t lazy, I was busy. I wanted this to be good. I didn’t want it to be a piece of crap.

Reed: I love the album. It’s awesome. It’s a great recording, great artwork.I never thought I’d have an actual album, that I could say was mine, by the time I was only 18 years old! The only problem is that we now play almost an entirely new set of songs. The songs on the album are songs we wrote when we were like 14, 15 and 16 years old. What we are doing now is much harder. People see us live and we’re like all this thrash, hardcore stuff, but you listen to the CD and it’s kind of old, punk stuff. So, it’s a little misleading.

Tyler: The thing I don’t like about the album is that I’m not on it. The drums that are on it suck my ass.

Justin: That really helps promote the album (laughs)

Tyler: They could have been done a lot better had I done them.

Justin: However, without our original drummer we would have been playing just blast beats and one – two beats pretty much. He added a lot to the band, in the same way both of our current Tyler’s have added a lot. You know, one of the reasons I think our sound has changed so much is because our lineup has changed so much. Our lineup now is entirely different than when we first started. I hate to sound like Spinal Tap, but we’ve went through eight bass players and three drummers.

Reed: They’ve all exploded

Justin: They’ve all exploded on stage. (laughs). The lineup we have now is the coolest and the most like-minded. All of us are into being brutal, pretty much.

DMT: When I purchased the album, prior to joining the band, I fuckin’ loved it. I still love it. I rock to it all the time. I’m a fan of the band. I love playing with these guys. I think we should sing more about satanic shit, though.