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BRIAN TALKS ABOUT HIS GUN

My, my, my, what a big bowl of yummy you are!

Brian: Thank you

Being your band-mate Donovan has proven to be pathetic in giving me important information in regards to you, I shall acquire such information myself!

Brian So Handsome: OK

So how....um...big are you?

Brian: Six feet...

NOT your cadaver!...your....gun.

Brian: Well I've never measured it

OK, Stop. I am not in the mood for your pathetic, mortal modesty. Let's put it this way: If life on Earth depended on you giving the best educated guess on the size of your throbbing thrill hammer, would you say it's small, medium or large?

Brian: Um...large

Reeeaaaallly? How many inches...when erect?

Brian: Probably eight and a half

(Gasp) EIGHT AND A HALF INCHES!!!

Brian: (laughs) Yeah, probably about that.

Does it hurt your female mortal girlfriend's vagina?

Brian: (Laughs) No, but I wouldn't say anything about her other than I have a girlfriend, She might freak.

Oh Brother. I see you're under the spell of the vagina.

Brian: Yes I am.

But why be monogamous when you can have all the vagina in the world?

Brian: That's just the way I am. I tend to be a relationship kind of guy. I once was in a seven year relationship.

Blah, blah, blah! Well, in between your pathetic seven year long relationships, have you ever swung the other way?

Brian: Negative!

But Brian, you could supplement your income nicely by occasionally allowing male mortals to present you with...shall we say ...special gratuities.

Brian: I have like, five different jobs, so I don't need the money.

OH ALL RIGHT, I'll just come out and say it. How much currency do I need to fork over to be allowed to perform fellatio on you?

Brian: That could never happen

Hypothetically

Brian: I'm afraid it just couldn't happen, not even hypothetically

THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! Surely, you've considered posing nude or being in porn movies?

Brian: I have been offered and declined. It's not my bag. I want kids some day

Grrrr!!! This is turning out to be a very depressing interview. So, Donovan says you never undress in front of the others, not even on tour.

Brian: I don't need to. I can change in bathrooms. Just boxers on the bus.

Are you afraid that if you were to parade nude in front of the band, your magnanimous package would make Donovan jealous, he'd go off his medication and punch you in the nose?

Brian: That's OK. I can take him.

Oooh, now that's zesty. So, if you and Donovan were gay lovers, who would be the pitcher and who would be the catcher?

Brian: Oh that's easy. Donovan would be the catcher