Grave Maker

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Accomplices: The staff of The Underground (R.I.P.), Rainie Kelso and Heather Peterson

The Final Interview of Grave Maker

Do you feel Figure Four casts a shadow on any project you've been involved with since that band ended?

Bailey: Figure Four never ended, we played Denver probably a dozen times and managed to scoot by undetected by your radar.

I allowed you to escape!

Bailey: Yeah, yeah, yeah. You gave us quite a few death threats but I think having a girl in the band really helped on this one. I know how you get when it comes to the vagina and in all honesty I think you were a little afraid and didn't know how to approach the situation and you missed out.

Well, the presence of vagina did pose a bit of an obstacle, but I still would have killed you, had you not broken up!

Bailey: I will give it to you that you made sure not to make that mistake again and you were prepared when Shattered Realm sneak attacked you with some big old beef curtains. Lucky for us we had already come and gone.

Yes, but then Figure Four ended and Comeback Kid began...without you! Were you ever pissed off that Andrew and Jeremy didn't invite you to be part of the band?

Bailey: Well it was either play in CBK or my old bar rock band called Dog Bone Sanctuary.. I went with Dog Bone and I still am sticking with it that I made the right decision.

If you three were to brawl, who do you think would win?

Bailey: Well, five or six years ago I would have probably said Jeremy would have smacked us around to show the world the bitches we really are, but now I would %100 say Jeremy would win. He's 32 freaking years old and has old man strength. Old man strength is some serious scary ass shit. You ever wrestle one of your friend's dads and he looks like some little pinner that was picked on from the age 3 up? It's just embarrassing how fast you get tied up into a pretzel with your pants around your ankles.

Nothing compared to getting killed by the gay undead! I will eat your brains, wee wee AND redecorate your apartment without your permission!

Bailey: Well, I will give you that you've killed a great many bands, but you should hire me to kill the ones you can't kill!

There is no one I cannot kill!

Bailey: Yeah, but I'm always traveling all over the world. Just think of the bands I could kill for you.

Intriguing, mortal. What is it you require in return?

Bailey: Just allow me to live

To prove your commitment, you must kill the rest of the members of your meddling Grave Maker band!

Bailey: No problem! I was getting tired of them anyway.

Which brings me to the next question....You've jumped around, from project to project. Why are you such a flaky bitch?

Bailey: Here's the thing about that. I did what I had to do to survive. If I knew you were going to be such a pussy bitch and not be able to track Figure Four down we would still play shows, but Steve got scared and quit the band and Mel had nightmares for months after you chased her down the road and swore to never to cross over the border again, so you see you kinda screwed me on this, and made it so FF couldn't tour anymore. I had to find someone else to play shows with so I called up Shattered Realm, but they were just a little too confident, bragging to everyone about how they were going to play Denver and you weren't going to do shit. A few days before we were supposed to get to Denver I caught wind of a surprise you had waiting for us. So hell yes I'm a flaky bitch, and I bailed on the tour, but I'd rather be some flaky bitch then a used and abused corpse.

You have spoken correctly, slippery mortal! If you and I were boyfriends, would you be as flaky in our relationship as you are in bands? Would I arise one morning in my graveyard only to find that you had left in the middle of the night?

Bailey: Well that would depend on a few things, if you could get these four things down, I'm sure we could have some fun -1, suck my dick (and do a better job then behind the Marquis!) - 2, play with my balls - 3, make me a sandwich - 4,don't talk so much

I shall consider your requests! Your lead singer is mighty yummy too. How long have you known Jon? How did it come to be that you two wanted to work together?

Bailey: True story, I've know Jon for years, we met on an internet dating service.. Lavalife to be specific, ever heard of it? I was 21 and he was 18.. we hung out for about half a year and decided that we just wanted to friends. We tried to get a band going a few occasions, he'd play drums and I'd play guitar, but finding other members who wanted to put their life on hold and more then likely have it ruined by hardcore proved to be harder then we thought. Being the flaky bitch I was, when I got a phone call from a band from Toronto I split on our plans and moved cross country. On a good note, Jon became our full time roadie right away, which was when you met him and fell in love with the one and only yummy buns. Every drive Jon and I would listen to Wisdom in Chains loud as shit which made us want to drive around like we were cruising in General Lee.. How could you not want to play in a band with someone like that? When said band kicked me out cause they are bitches and I'm a flaky bitch, I called Jon to make plans of picking up where we left off. He had been jamming with Wayne and Brian in Seattle (who at one point had been accused of dating each other, but in actuality just loved to sexy texty with each other a little too often). Jon said to come party in Seattle and the rest is history.

Was the fact that Grave Maker booked and gigged like crazy, from the beginning, all in an effort to secure a contract with a label?

Bailey: Everyone in Grave Maker just hates everyday life, well I can't say we hate it, but there's no better feeling then being able to escape having a job, paying bills and nagging girlfriends. The main reason we play so many shows is we just love it, on top of that, all four members are homeless and we live in a van, well we have two vans, but one doesn't start that often so it sucks when you wake up in the morning and you have to take a big shit but you're hella far away from a gas station. We keep playing shows because we love to travel around the world, see new places, hang out with old friends and somehow manage to avoid the norm.

How important is a label for a band such as Grave Maker?

Bailey: Think Fast! Records has been so amazing to us. I never dealt with a label that has been so hard working for a band and been so easy to deal with. Definitely check them out if you have a chance - www.thinkfastrecords.com They have definitely helped get our name and CD in far more places then we could have done on our own.

Tell me about your European tour this spring. What are logistics of a band like yours doing such a tour? Do you have to get a different ride? How do you handle money as it changes from place to place? What about language differences? I just want to know the logistics of touring, that the average fan/american might not be aware of.

Bailey: For money we will just try and spend it all before we leave the country, I made that mistake last time I was in Europe and now I have a bag full of coins I need to bring back with me. Jaki from Dream Long Dead Booking booked our tour for us, he has a van that we will ride in with him.. two bands go at a time to save on the costs of fuel, toll roads and renting the van. By logistics do you mean why are we playing places like Serbia, Russia and Turkey? None of us have ever been to those places, and well, no better way to go then with your best friends and be able to play some shows there. For languages we should be fine, between the 4 of us we can get by on like 12 or 13 languages or something. Why doesn't Maris the Great and the Faggots of Death go over to Europe? It would be about damn time.

We WILL! Once I get more of the competition out of the way!

Bailey: You're all talk

I would deal with your insolence, but you have your band to kill. One last question on my list here...Tell me about the new CD.

Bailey: It's a circle, and has another little circle in the middle of it. One side makes a really shitty mirror which I tried to use when I was shaving the other day...