All Murder Photography by Rebel Photo
Accomplices: Jeremy Atkins
It is I, Maris The Great!...There is a definite Hardcore part to Set Your Goals' music, but a Pop Punk vibe too. Being there are a lot of purists in Hardcore, do you ever get shit by mixing styles?
Matt: Lucky for us, the mudslinging has always been pretty minimal in comparison to other bands of our size. There is definitely a crossover of melodic Hardcore and Pop Punk in our writing style and there always will be. That's bound to be a turn-off for some people, but we've found that most people we play our music for, who would normally enjoy upbeat and fun music, like what they hear. Even some who don't normally listen to poppier stuff find it to suit their tastes.
Set Your Goals does not have a "tough guy" vibe, yet I saw many of those types of mortals at the first show I saw you play. Is that common? Or is it unusual?
Matt: Well when we were starting out, we toured/played with a lot of our friend's bands who happen to be primarily Hardcore acts. We all met through the Hardcore scene. We love Hardcore music still and we are very proud of that. We continue to play with friend's bands as often as possible, though through our travels and experiences we've met bands that encompass all facets of the musical spectrum. With a Hardcore upbringing, the Hardcore crowd comes with the territory and so we find that we always have some of that going on in the crowd at any show we play whether it is with Power Pop, Punk, Ska, Hardcore, or Death Metal bands. it goes both ways because when we play local shows with Hardcore bands, we see Pop Punk kids who wouldn't normally come to see a Hardcore show, up front and singing along. We promote diversity, not only with the bills we play, but with the crowds we play to. As long as people respect one another, we're all for tattooed tough guys going crazy alongside 15 year old girls every night - just as long as everyone is having as much fun as we are!
When are you recording something new?
Matt: We're currently working on new material right now, that we hope to record sometime this summer, tentatively.
OK, now that I got the unimportant questions out of the way, lets talk about the most important thing in Set Your Goals: MIKEY. I have found him most acceptable for my royal, penile needs. I wish to know more about him that I may find it easier to lower his resistance and thus have my gay way with him. You shall now assist me.
Matt: OK...I'll try
What is his favorite mortal food?
Matt: He lives off a steady diet of beer, meat, and Nerds rope.
Matt: Bank of America blue.
Favorite mortal band?
Matt: I'm not quite sure and I am unable to ask as he is passed out in his room right now, but I know he really likes Scandinavian Viking Metal band Amon Amarth.
They will die!
Matt: While we were on tour in Australia we had the pleasure of playing a show next door to them. They played the other room in the venue we played in Perth. After our set we headed over and watched their set. Mikey found it to be most acceptable! He has "Versus the World" tattooed on his chest, which is the title of his favorite Amon Amarth record.
He soon will have "Faggots of Death" tattooed across his chest!
Matt: (Laughs) I agree!
You, no doubt, have seen him nude as you've traveled endlessly in the incredibly small mortal vehicle you travel in. You shall now tell me about his...buttocks
Matt: These I have seen many times, they are firm and tender.
Oooh...and his wiener?
Matt: This I have seen several times as well. For some reason, he loves to show that thing to me every chance he gets when we're riding in the van. Why, I don't know.
Possibly he is giving you an invitation to perform fellatio on him. This is a reasonable request.
Matt: No, I'll pass.
Has he put on a little masturbation show for you as well?
Matt: (Laughs) No...and that's perfectly alright with me.
He told me that the night before you came to Denver, he got drunk and had sex in the touring vehicle you mortals travel in. You shall now tell me what Mikey is like when he is having intoxicated sex?
Matt: I have no idea, that's something you'd have to ask his girlfriend.
Grrrrr!...You HAD to bring HER up, didn't you!
So...when Mikey and I are finally together, engaging in superior-butt-sex, who do you think will be the pitcher and who do you think will be the catcher?
Matt: Here's how I think it will play out: Early in the night you will serve Mikey alcoholic drinks containing roofies, which he will unknowingly accept, because free drinks are a favorite of his. Later, you will sneak up on an unsuspecting Mikey and Laura engaging in pre-marital sexual relations while intoxicated.
Matt: First, you will have to fight Laura to the death in order to gain access to Mikey's drunken, naked body. This will not be a difficult task as she possesses a very small and frail frame.
You have spoken correctly. Continue...
Matt: Once she is out of the way, you will be able to ravage Mikey's now unconscious body. So, I suppose that would most definitely make Mikey the catcher.
Your scenario is acceptable, mortal! You shall now assist me in coming up with a little pet name that I may use when I next encounter his mortal presence.
Matt: We all call him "Michael Motorcycle," interpret that however you like.
Hmmmm....that has possibilities. You are doing well mortal, you shall now plan the perfect date for us. What events would transpire on such momentous occasion?
Matt: First we would dress you up in a cute pink dress to match your cute little pink mohawk and nails...
Grrrr....I do not cover my royal garments with mortal attire!
Matt:Uh...ok...well...Mikey would arrive in a limousine wearing a white tux and the two of you would be carted off to an enchanting candlelit dinner of mac & cheese with hot dogs at the edge of a cliff overlooking a seaside at sunset.
Hmmmm....Mac and cheese.
Matt: There would be a symphonic orchestra playing live beside you as you exchanged secrets and your personal interests and hobbies over a bottle of vintage wine.
Why yes, I would tell him about my plans to take over the world, all the while he intoxicates his cadaver, thus lowering his anal resistance to me. Continue.
Matt: Afterwards, the limo would drop the two of you off at your subterranean sex lair where you would snuggle naked until the sun came up, at which point you would devour his brain.
Most acceptable! You shall now tell me where this meddling female mortal girlfriends Laura dwells, that I may go insure of her immediate demise thus beginning my necromance with Motorcycle Mikey!
Laura lives in a lovely little Northern California town known as Vacaville. There is not much to do there, so I'd recommend you bring a gameboy with you or something, because once you kill her you will probably grow bored very quickly.