It is I, Maris The Great! I shall now interview, your mortal, inferiority. So…tell me…Russell, how did your doomed, rock band begin?

Russell: My Only Hope began in Saddlebrook New Jersey, pretty much in Saddle Brook High School. We were all friends and musicians from two, rival bands. The rival bands met their demise and it led to us starting out My Only Hope.We originally started the band under a different name of The Downside. Once we changed courses and got a little more serious, we changed it to My Only Hope.

Originally, The Downside was a four-piece, correct?

Russell: Yes, sir. The music was a little more raw, a little less established. A little more…Rap Rock, maybe? I really don’t want that printed (laughs). I don’t want to have anything to do with Rap Rock. We are all stupid kids.

What was the goal with being in a band?

Oreo: We were just trying to be ourselves. There was no formula. We never discussed trying to sound like anyone. We were just like, let’s be ourselves. Let’s just make music and see what comes of it.

Some mortals say you fit in the “Screamo” or “Emo” category.

Oreo: Well, if we do…It’s just something that happened. We have so many influences that it just so happens that we could probably fit into any category you want. You can find Punk or Hardcore or even Metal in our music. We are so diverse, musically, that ultimately, I think it’s what makes us original.

Evil Joe: Some people say “Oh you turned Emo.” I think every music is emotional, because it comes from the heart. Some people try to fuck with us. They say we’re crybabies or whatever, but if you’re doing the music you want to do and you love it, it’s going to be emotional.

I don’t think of bass players as necessarily emotional. How did you get into bass playing?

Evil Joe: Well, back in the day, I was always into baseball and wanted to be a baseball player. My father always said, “you have to do that (learn how to play an instrument) when you’re young, but I always heard Cliff Burton didn’t learn how to play bass until he was 14, so it inspired me. I knew I could do it if I tried hard enough. When Oreo and Tom wanted to start a band and needed a bassist. I didn’t know shit, but I went and bought a bass. I learned it from there.

My sources tell me you have a large wee wee, Joe. Is this true?

Evil Joe: You know, I’m a humble guy. I’m not going to go bragging about my dick. I’m not one of those types of guys. You have to be of the female persuasion to get into my pants. You can’t be a hermaphrodites, no heterosexuals no…

AHA! You said “NO heterosexuals!”

Evil Joe: Did I say that?

YES YOU DID! (Everyone laughs)

Evil Joe: I did not say that!

YES YOU DID, I HAVE IT RIGHT HERE ON TAPE! You said “no heterosexuals” are allowed in your pants! So here I am mortal!

Evil Joe: I did not say that, fuck you!

OK…but only as long as you’re not gentle

(Everyone laughs)

Evil Joe: Ah fuck!

You might as well come out with the rest of the truth, now. Tell me, how large is it?

Evil Joe: None of your damn business. (laughs). No matter how much Jagermeister I may drink, it’s still none of your damn business.

So, you are ashamed of your wee wee, is that what you are really saying?

Evil Joe: Oh, no, I’m very happy with it.

Alex: It’s 8 1/2 (laughs)

(GASP) 8 1/2 inches!…So, do you have a hairy buttocks or is it smooth?

Evil Joe: It’s a little in between. I’m not that hairy of a guy.

Do you want to show it to me?

Evil Joe: Fuck no.

But Tom showed me his hairy buttocks (turns to Tom) Are you ashamed of your hairy buttocks or proud as you should be?

Tom: I would rather that it not be hairy. I shaved it one time.

I bet it was most likely was due to a female mortal. Female mortals usually like smooth buttocks.

Tom: That’s why I have to shave it.

So tell me about how you became a drummer

Tom: I think it’s always been in my blood to play drums. My Dad is really into music, so it was playing around me all the time. I used to have those things in the ’80’s called “Hot Sticks,’ where you can hit the sticks in the air and it makes a sound (laughs). I was just happy that I had something that made a sound. And then I got drum sticks and I’d play on pillows to music. I’d play along to Nirvana, Soundgarden and Pearl Jam. When I turned 13, I got my first drum set. I just went from there. It was just the greatest thing.

How do My Only Hope songs come together?

Russell: Usually it starts with Oreo coming up with a riff. But Alex, Joe and Tom contribute as well. It was Joe who started Winonna Rider.

Oreo: Joe had this really cool bass line. Alex and I just started working off of that in the verses. We expanded it a bit and wrote the chorus. It always starts with an idea and then we expand on that. Nobody tells anyone what to play or what to do. We all do our own thing.

Russell: Oreo and I have this weird connection too. He will start playing these chords and I hear this melody in my head of what I’ll ultimately be singing, that will go over what he’s come up with. Sometimes, I’ll tell the guys to hang on for a couple of days while I go home to my piano. With my left hand, I’ll play the chords on the piano that they came up with, while creating the melody with my right. Most of the time, however, we have some kind of crazy-ass chemistry. It just “clicks” with us. They write to what I know and it just comes out of me.

Oreo: Sometimes I’ll write part of a song, or most of a song and Russell will start singing and immediately capture the feeling I had while I was writing. His vocals will match what I was feeling when I wrote it. It’s weird connection we have. The two of us together are like one person singing and playing guitar.

Tell me about being a vocalist, Russell.

Russell: Well, I’ve been told many times that I sing weird.

You do.

Russell: Thank you (laughs) In all honesty, it’s a big compliment because it means I have a distinct vocal ability that other singers don’t have. A former guitarist, whose name I don’t want to mention, had a big problem with my voice. He suggested I that I get vocal lessons. One of my biggest idols is Kurt Cobain and I know Kurt didn’t have vocal lessons. If you watch Nirvana Unplugged, he did songs that were out of his vocal range, but he still sounded fuckin’ unbelievable. If I got vocals lessons, it would change the characteristics my voice has. The way my voice is, is a big thing to me. It’s important to me, so fuck everyone that doesn’t like the way I sing.

Are you saying it’s more about the feeling, mortal?

Russell: Who gives a fuck if it’s not perfect? It’s fuckin’ Rock and Roll, not Opera. It’s all about giving your heart. Who gives a shit if you hit a wrong note?

What are your songs about lyrically?

Oreo: Gay sex. (laughs)

Russell: I used to write about ex girlfriends and things like that, but now I write about things I’m emotional about. A lot of the newer songs are about the band. One Way Ticket is about our band being on tour. The chorus is “our train of thought is off the tracks, but our one way tickets won’t look back.”

You mortals have an interesting history, full of fascinating tales. Tell me about the infamous “piss couch.”

Evil Joe: Well, basically we like to hang out at our studio, because it’s the place we can all go and hang out. Our studio is cool, it has two rooms, but one thing it doesn’t have is a bathroom. That’s on the floor above us. So, when you get drunk, you become a lazyass and don’t want to go upstairs to use the bathroom. So, we’ll walk out in hall and either piss in the corner or piss on the door of a band we don’t like (laughs). So we once had this couch that we threw out there. People would initially just use it to fuck on. We started going out there and pissing all over it. (laughs). We’d be like, “hey let’s piss on this and see if anyone will sit on it.” We didn’t think anyone would sit on it because the whole hallway reeked of piss. But anyway, once there was this guy – who must have been drunk, sitting there with his dog. His dog was wide awake, but he was face first in the couch (everybody laughs and groans). I mean, you could smell the urine. We ended up taking pictures of him (more laughter). They eventually told us we have to stop pissing out there. (more laughter)

I also heard a story regarding Tom taking longer than everyone else in the band to do things.

Oreo: Tom takes forever to eat. The ironic thing is he’s always one of the first one’s to get his food and we still get done before him. He’ll like take a bite, put it down, play the drums on the table for a little bit (laughs). That’s just Tom, you know? We once went to a mall and went to eat.. We all got our food, ate it, went to the bathroom, went outside and smoked a cigarette, came back in and he’s still eating! (everyone laughs).

I find it intriguing that My Only Hope are so close and do everything together. What is the plus of being in a band with your friends?

Tom: It’s really good, cuz we all know each other really well. We’re like a family. We know each other like the back of our hands.

Evil Joe: We’re so close that we hang out together on the weekends. I mean, we have other friends, but no matter what we do, we all seem to be together. It really is like a family.

Yes, but being in a rock band is also being in a business. What do you do if someone in your business isn’t pulling their weight?

Evil Joe: That hasn’t happened yet. We are all after the same thing. If we have a problem on stage, we fix it right away. It’s worked well so far.

Russell: We have good communication. We always talk. If any of us have a problem with anything anyone in the band is doing, we talk it out.

Oreo: We’re like little girls. We like to talk about it. We’re like, Oh, you hurt my feelings when you did that.” We’re big wusses (laughs).

How did you become a musician, Oreo?

Oreo: I started playing guitar primarily over Nirvana. It made me want to start a band. After hearing them, it made me realize you don’t have to be a perfect player. Before that, as a kid, I was kind of intimidated because everything I heard on the radio had all these solos, you know? So I started by simply learning and playing the power chords and writing the music that way. I realized that writing good music was more important than writing a solo. I was inspired by being raw and being myself.

Alex, you were the last to join the band. How did that come about?

Alex: I was in Protect The Head. We ultimately broke up because the singer and the bassist were both old. They were both in their 30’s. They had their houses, their jobs, their kids that they had to take care of, so we broke up. Ironically, what ended up happening is The Downside’s older guitarist left and they had a show to play. They were getting a bunch of guest guitarists on. I ended up playing one song with them. I ended up coming in and doing lots of auditions. I was at almost every practice they had. After about two months, they let me in the band.

Russell: We threw him a party so that he would feel accepted in the band. We refer to our band as a moving train. We didn’t want Alex to feel as if the train had to stop for him and he had to catch up. We went to high school with him too, so we were already friends, but we through him a party so that he would feel accepted in the band.

Oreo: What Alex brought to the band took it to a whole new level. He was perfect for us. We knew we had something good. He was just dead sexy. We knew we had to have him, man (laughs).

Was it a let down for you that My Only Hope wasn’t as musically heavy as you were used to playing?

Alex: To be honest, no. For me, coming to this band was a step up. It brought to the table everything I wanted. I mean, I like music in general. My horizons are very broad on that subject. I listen to a lot of stuff. Being in this band just brought all the elements I love about music into one.

How did you begin playing?

Alex: My first influence was Metallica – James Hetfield and Kirk Hammett, definitely. Something about their aura and the whole way they played made me want to start playing guitar. You know, everyone in this band learned how to play on our own.

Really?

Oreo: None of us have ever had a lesson.

What are the plans for the new CD?

Russell: We are putting our heart and soul into our CD. It’s the definition of blood, sweat and tears. We are really trying to make it the very best that we can without having the budget a big label would provide. We are very picky when it comes to music. We usually end up going back into the studio a month after we record something because we think it sucks. We don’t want to do that this time. That’s why we are taking our time with this new CD.

When will it be out?

Russell: Sometime this summer.

What’s the music scene like in Jersey?

Russell: It’s rather competitive. Because there are so many bands blowing up in New Jersey, such as My Chemical Romance, Ill Nino and 40 Below Summer, everybody is trying to make their mark, now, while it’s hot. It’s great to see people starting bands. In fact, some of the kids starting bands have told us we influenced them. It honestly brings a tear to my eye. I would have never had thought it would get this far.

Is getting signed important to your mortal band?

Russell: Yes. we want to get signed. We have always said, we only need a chance. This is in our blood and it’s what we love to do.

Oreo: We never take anything for granted. We are grateful for any opportunity we get. We also never forget where we are from. We never forget all the people that liked us. Anybody that helps us out, we help them back.

Often times, getting a deal means allowing a record company to change your band and your sound. What would you do if you were offered a deal but they said one of you had to be replaced?

Oreo: If someone fuckin’ said that to us, we’d probably piss on the table and walk out.

Evil Joe: Yeah, I’d say “you get what you see right now. You don’t like it, go fuck yourself.”

Oreo: Ultimately the reason we are doing this is to be out and doing what we love. It’s not worth it to us to sign a bad deal. What’s the point of going out and playing music we don’t love? You have to do what you love. It would ruin everything if we changed what we do.

Another obstacle in a mortal, musician’s life is women. While I can’t imagine why you would waste your time on a vagina in the fist place, they no doubt take up a large part of your short, mortal life. How does the band deal with women that get in the way of the band’s progress?

Russell: Well, actually, we’ve been kind of blessed. Whether they’re ex-girlfriends, current girlfriends or whatever they might be, we’ve always had girls that have supported the band and helped out in any way possible. Whether it be through support, promotion, photography, press kits, T-shirts – anything you could think of, we’ve been very lucky. I can see how girls can ruin bands, being they can be very demanding. However, for the most part, I guess we are good judges of character. The girls we’ve dealt with have been very supportive.

Joe: Any girl that I’m with knows right off the bat that this band is a priority. If they can’t deal with that they can suck my dick and get the fuck out. (laughs)

Russell: It’s one of the first things we make clear with any girls we are seeing. Alex, for example, recently got out of a relationship. One of the first things he said to the girl was that the band was a major priority in his life and if she had a problem with it, she should know it now. I thought that was awesome. You know, we’ve all been through it and it’s the first thing we say to girls, and yet, here he is, the newbie, and says the same thing. It’s another reason Alex fits the band so well.

So, I see you are committed to your mortal band, no matter what. What is the ultimate dream?

Oreo: All we want to do is be on the road, play shows and get to people. Personally, I just want to play music and not do anything else. It doesn’t matter if we are super-famous, or not. As long as we get to do what we love, I’ll be happy.

Tom: This is what I love doing. It really pisses me off when people tell me that I’m wasting my time and that I won’t get anywhere. I don’t give a shit, I know that we are going to get somewhere, someday. This is the most fun you can have and one of the best things you could do with your life. This is what has to be.

Alex: I get told often that what I’m doing is not worth the trouble. I got kicked out of my house because I was told I was spending too much of my time and money on this band. My parents apparently didn’t approve of this, so basically I got kicked out. So basically, I said “fuck it,” this is what I live for.

Joe: There are two things that are important in life: One, is to have someone that cares for you and loves you, and two, is to do something in life that you love. Music is my life. It makes me feel good when people enjoy the music we make. I don’t want a 9 to 5 job. I don’t want to be doing anything other than this. I’ve never been as proud of something as I am with this band.

Russell: With my music and what I write in the band, I want to relate to and touch people. I feel like most of the bands on the radio, like Lincoln Park aren’t representing the youth of America. When people come up to me and say that a song we wrote helped them through a hard break up, or helped them when they were having problems with their parents, my dream has been fulfilled right there. To know that My Only Hope can touch people, that way, makes me want to cry. There are very few things I believe in in life, but I believe in this band and I believe in these guys. I know we have something special