Tell me about Welcome To Viper City.

Mike: Welcome To Viper City is the album that we just put out on RISE Records. It is heavy.

What or where is a Viper City?

Mike: Viper City is everything. Viper City is more than a location or an object, and one must search deep within to unveil it’s true meaning.

What if I search deep within your anal cavity, will I find it’s meaning there?

Mike: The mystery of Viper City is only exceeded by it’s power. If you really want to know, you must first go to the closest Best Buy, FYE or Hot Topic and buy our new album.

Hardcore, as a trend, seems to by leveling off, if not dying. Am I right or am I right?

Mike: Most of the Dying in Hardcore and Metal is because you’re doing the killing, Maris.

You have spoken correctly!

Mike: I don’t know if it’s really leveling off, I think certain genres within the various scenes that are categorized under “Hardcore” are growing and some are leveling off and dying out. For example, as we’ve seen on our last few tours, more and more kids are getting into the super heavy mosh stuff and trading in their girl pants and v necks for jerseys and flat brim hats. At the same time, we’re seeing a lot bands crossing more poppy stuff with Hardcore and that genre is growing exponentially, with bands like Set Your Goals, A Day To Remember and Four Year Strong. I also think there’s certain groups of people and bands that will always be there; straight-forward Hardcore, Punk, Crust, etc.

Who are the bands that you see still doing this five years or more from now?

Mike: There’s always going to be the lifers – Madball, H20, Agnostic Front, Sick of it All, bands that have been here since day one and will probably continue forever. We just got off the road with Terror, I’d like to think they’ll be around for a while since they continue to put out awesome records. I’d also like to hope we’ll be around in 5 years, but who knows?

I Do! You won’t, because at the end of this interview I’m going to kill you!

Mike: Great!

What do you think about bands like Sworn Enemy or God Forbid adding a lot more Metal to their sound with their latest releases?

Mike: I think it’s awesome. We just got off of tour with Sworn Enemy and I really like that they’ve added a Thrash and more Metal element into the new album. Instead of continuing along the same lines of As Real As It Gets (one of our favorite albums…SO heavy), it sounds as though they looked back at their roots a bit towards bands like Testament, Exodus and Slayer and fused it with the Sworn Enemy that we know and love. Heavily backed.

What ever drew you into being into a Hardcore band in the first place?

Mike: We started this band when we were still in our senior years in high school just like every other kid does. I mean, we’re all 20 and 21 so that wasn’t too long ago, but we just wanted to hang out and play shows. Eventually we got more and more serious, started getting on better shows, started touring and here we are now – College dropouts making about as much money as we would working part time minimum wage jobs doing something that we love.

How do you deal with the toll touring takes on your personal life?

Mike: Masturbate …Constantly. No, just kidding… kind of…

WELLLLL…now that you brought it up, where is your favorite place to masturbate?

Mike: My favorite place in America would be The Lusty Lady in Seattle.

NO!…I mean do you generally like to masturbate alone in your bed, in the shower or…?

Mike: All of the above, but mostly The Lusty Lady in Seattle. I hear there’s one in San Francisco as well.

What is The Lusty Lady?

Mike: It’s a jack shack.

What’s that?

Mike: That’s a place you can go pay money to watch strippers while you jack off.

Really? How alluring. Continue

Mike: You go into a booth and a window slides up and you can watch one or more strippers.

Can they see you?

Mike: You can either have it where they can or can’t see you.

Did the band watch each other jerk off in one of these booths?

Mike: No, we were all in our individual booths.

Did anyone else see you masturbate?

Mike: No, but some Mexican guy got kicked out for looking under the booths while guys jerked off.

How offensive that he would be kicked out for such understandable behavior!

(Laughs)

When you ejaculate are you a spurter or a gusher?

Mike: It’s more like a flowing stream that soars like a jumping gazelle.

When you ejaculated at The Lusty Lady, did your semen soar like a gazelle on the window in front of you, or on the floor?

Mike: I left it on the floor (laughs). Here’s something you might want to know, Maris. We met a guy there at the Lusty Lady, who’s job it was to keep the booths clean. He got paid ten dollars an hour to mop up mountains of cum on the floor.

My dream job!

Mike: In addition to his hourly wage, he said that he collected quarters on the floors of all the booths and made enough to make his car payment each month!

I’m moving to Seattle! While I make my travel plans, you shall go back to the original question of how the band survives on the road!

Mike: We’ve been touring full time only for about the last year or so and we’ve all dealt with our fair share of personal and financial turmoil. My credit is shot and I’m only 21, we all still live at home since we’re pretty much never there anyway. Mostly we just deal with it, we’re not doing this for fame and fortune, although that would be nice, I think that sort of thing is reserved for attractive and talented individuals.

How does the band tour with gas prices being what they are?

Mike: Well luckily, lately we’ve been doing pretty good on merch in most areas, and the majority of agents and promoters are understanding, so guarantees are going up to accommodate. I don’t want to discourage anyone, but I don’t think that if we were a band starting out and doing our first tour with no one knowing who we are we would be able to do much touring with gas prices the way they are unless we did some serious fundraising beforehand.

From touring all over the world, you’ve had a chance to see a lot of places. If you were going to move to and live in any place you’ve visited, where would it be, and why?

Mike: We’d move to Denver so that we could hang out with you, Maris.

The undead don’t hang out!

Mike: I would seriously consider moving to Denver or Portland, Oregon. Never gets too cold and the pizza is comparable New York. I really like New York and the East aside from the brutal winters.

What place have you visited that has surprised you by having a strong hardcore fanbase/ presence?

Mike: The south – Alabama, Georgia and Tennessee are among our favorite places to play. The kids who come out there are so awesome and appreciative, and every time we go back there’s more and more people who are stoked to see us.