What’s the strangest thing or place you’ve ever stuck your wee wee in?

DAVE: I’ve heard stories about people using socks. I had a friend in prison that said people would take gloves, wrapped a sock around it, and put some petroleum jelly in there. I thought about trying that, never have. A pumpkin always seemed like it might work all right (laughs)

IVAN: I’ve never done anything like that before.

COREY: I’ve done a lot of chicks in the ass, but there’s this one chick. All she kept screaming about was getting fucked in the ass. I finally fucked her in the ass and she passed out. She squirted all over me and shit.

Good heavens, what did she squirt all over you?

COREY: Fucking cum or something! (Laughs) It wasn’t piss. I smelled it. I was all ready to say, “you fuckin bitch!” I was all ready to give her a backhand (Laughter) it was cum. It was clear, there was no smell to it…she came so hard she shot up to the corner of the bed and then collapsed. I was ready to call 911.

Do you have a big wee wee?

COREY: Yeah, I do have a big dick. A HUGE cock.

What’s the difference between Black Metal and Death Metal?

DAVE: Black Metal has a little more of an evil sound to it, more atmospheric. Both of them are so wide. Black Metal tends to have lyrics that are more satanic. We have some of that, which is probably why people classify us in that category, but we just do that for fun.

What genre of Metal is SERBERUS?

DAVE: We classify our sound as Aggressive melodic death metal.

What type of metal influenced you guys the most?

IVAN: We are influenced the most by Scandinavian black/death metal.

DAVE: Scandinavian metal. A lot of European bands. I’m influenced by a lot of power metal, like Judas Priest and Iron Maiden. Pretty much everything. What we try to do is take everything and roll it up into one ball. We have a sound that appeals to a lot of different people because of that.

How did you guys hook up?

DAVE: About two years ago, Ivan posted something in the Colorado Heavy Metal e-group. I wasn’t even really a part of it. He said he wanted to start a band, saying he was into some of the stuff I was into-some of the Scandinavian, melodic death metal bands. A friend of mine named Dan, who knew I was interested in starting a band, forwarded it to me. Later, once I got off my lazy ass and called him up, we met each other, shared riffs and talked about stuff. For awhile, Ivan was gonna play drums and I was gonna play guitar and we were gonna find other members. But that never worked out because I think we both are more into the guitar deal. We both jammed to one song I had written and it was pretty much history from there.

How much work did it take for you both to share guitar and vocals?

DAVE: I don’t know. We kind of molded into where we are now. Both of us are into music, and both of us are into putting on a big show. We’re just into similar stuff. We really get into playing. I can’t imagine anything I would rather do than jam out on stage in front of a bunch of metal heads.

IVAN: Except for having sex (Laughs)

At what point did the EP come out?

IVAN: About a year and a half after we formed.

DAVE: We mostly recorded that to get the word out about us and to find members. To find a bass player and we wanted to find a vocalist eventually. We weren’t planning on doing the vocals ourselves. The recording that people have right now wasn’t intended to be the final product. We planned on recording a pre-demo to make sure everything was tight. Make sure the guitar was right, all the drums were right, just to see how everything would sound put all together. We spent so fucking long doing that…

IVAN: We put like 50 or 60 CD’s out that don’t have any lyrics. We hadn’t written any lyrics. It’s just us screaming. (Laughs) We just wanted to put something out.

COREY: We were so fucking desperate. We didn’t have lyrics to the songs and we put it out anyway (Laughs)

DAVE: Nobody knows! (More laughter)

IVAN: By the time the second release of that came out, people were saying, “Something is different” (Laughs)

What’s the state of Heavy Metal right now in the world?

DAVE: Nationally, what 99% of what people in the U.S. think is heavy metal is not what I would think is metal at all. Personally, I don’t think Korn or Limp Bizkit or who ever the fuck you are talking about is metal. The underground on the other hand is growing. In Europe, metal is huge. Metal bands over there have number one albums all the time. You get Platinum albums in Germany, in Greece, in Europe, stuff like that. So, overall, I think it’s growing.

How does SERBERUS view playing live?

COREY: When you put on a show, it’s got to be, balls out, 110% all the time to make a mark today. There are so many kick ass bands out there. That’s what we try to do every time we play. We try to make our mark. A lot of bands take a lot of time between songs, we don’t. We kick ass. We get on there and we play nine songs. Here, In your face. We got big endings and little shit to spice it up and stuff like that but we still are there to kick your ass.

What’s your ultimate goal for SERBERUS?

IVAN: Like any other band, be on tour, signed by a major label. We would like to get on Nuclear Blast.

COREY: The thing is, you’ve got to start off taking anything you can get. If you prove to an independent, small label that you can do it, and go on tour and support your band.

Right now, you are recording a new CD. Tell me all about that.

DAVE: It all started off with getting an offer from…for doing a release, it’s a split band and split label CD. They got our demo. They wanted to put those four songs along with another four songs from…. on a CD. There’s gonna be a lot of promotion for it. International coverage, big magazines. Terrorizer, Metal Mania. We thought, well if we are gonna have something out there (on such a big level) we don’t want those songs on there. They came out all right, but they are not even close to level we are at right now. So we told them we want to re-record the songs, and put a new track on there. So there is gonna be five songs on there and we are taking it really, really seriously this time. We’ve spent a long time so far making sure everything is right.

IVAN: Tell you what, be prepared for the next SERBERUS CD. It’s gonna blow you away!

Are you approaching the vocals in the same manner?

IVAN: We’re gonna spend a little more time on the vocals.

DAVE: They came out OK on the CD. I like them. There are some aspects of them that aren’t quite so natural. We can put a little more aggression into them now that we’ve had the experience of singing them on stage.

COREY: We went balls out on this CD. I was running eighteen tracks for just the drums. If I fucked up once, have to do the whole fuckin’ song over again. But we’ve got good friends helping us out. It’s tough, it really is. To get a good, non-rushed CD is a lot harder than what I thought.

You know, sitting here looking at you, I can’t but help notice that you’re kind of the pretty boy of the band.

COREY: I’ll tell you what man, I live my fucking life and I don’t give a fuck what the fuck I look like. It’s what’s in here (points to his heart). I’ve had fucking long hair, I’ve had fucking…I’ve fucking did it all. And all I am is happy…I changed my life. I did a fucking 180. I’m positive now.

You don’t look like the kind of person who would be in a metal band.

COREY: I’ll fucking tell ya…you should skip this fucking question because I could tell you a fucking boatload. I don’t want to talk about that.

OK. But you can tell me some of it if you want.

COREY: I was a good kid and then I turned bad. And I fucked up.

How did you fuck up?

COREY: What do you think?

I don’t know

COREY: What the fuck will fuck your whole fucking life up?

You tell me.

COREY: Drugs, motherfucker.

Are you straight now?

COREY: I’ve been straight three and a half years, I haven’t touched a fucking thing besides pot and my fucking liquor. If I hadn’t met these guys in SERBERUS, I probably wouldn’t exist. I met this motherfucker in a bowling alley, and this motherfucker in the studio in Boulder, practiced on his kit. Let me tell ya, I couldn’t even run half of “Ancient Throne”. That’s the first song we played. I couldn’t run even half of it. Now, I play one hour of brutal, fucking shit. So, my life has changed 180 fucking degrees.

Is SERBERUS surprised by their popularity?

DAVE: At first we were because the kind of metal we play has never really taken off in the U.S. We go see international bands that come through (Denver) that are a huge influence to us, that pull, like 150 people. And we play that style! So we’re like, hey, they don’t like them and they’re 50 times better than we are. I don’t think we’re gonna go over that well. But the response has just blown us away.

IVAN: In the beginning, when we started, I wanted to do something different. I said, Colorado needs something fresh. And when we started writing, I said, You know what? Nobody is gonna like our songs at all. But we were surprised. When we started spreading CD’s around; everybody started talking about us. I’m really, really surprised.

COREY: We want to make this the best we can. And we do. We’re really hard core on ourselves. After a show, if I fucked up, I’m fucking hardcore on myself. (Laughs) It’s like ten shots of tequila! Everybody pats me on the back and says, “It was a good show”, I’m like, I don’t think so, you know what I mean? We get up there live and it’s kick ass because we are hard on ourselves. We want to fucking give 110%.

What do you think metal fans want the most?

COREY: A band that fucking goes up there, fucking does their strut, gets the fuck off, no holds barred, no gay shit-fucking jumping around on trampolines. No fucking karate chops. Get out their, fucking metal stance, do their shit…

But you guys have worn makeup. Doesn’t that qualify as gay shit or a karate chop?

COREY: No. That just adds to the entertainment. But we ain’t like, “hey we gotta go practice a karate chop because this part is so killer”. No, we’re gonna jam it because this part is so killer.

DAVE: A lot of bands want to rehearse their entire show. That’s not what we’re about. We have enough energy on stage. The kind of music we play, you don’t need to rehearse a whole lot. It just kind of comes.

COREY: It’s fucking brutal man. Before we go on, I’m fucking, out the door jogging, drinking vitamin shakes and drinks and all this shit. These guys psyche me up.

How do you two, Dave and Ivan work out your guitar parts?

DAVE: In the studio, we’ve really had to break it down and try a lot of different stuff. On the stage, we’ve got a lot of dueling guitar leads, which is totally our forte, which is what I get into. Now that we have a chance to sit down and record something, play something back and here exactly what it’s gonna sound like, it makes the writing process a lot easier. After we come out with the new CD, there are a lot of little changes that I hope people notice. Changes that are gonna make big differences in our songs.

Does SERBERUS believe in God or an afterlife?

COREY: As far as my life is concerned, God has helped me in some ways. But he’s never there when I want him. I went up to the fucking, Central City today, I lost 120 fucking dollars. Where was God? (Laughs) So my faith is gone today. It might be different tomorrow. I believe in Karma. What you do comes back to you. I came out here with a bunch of attitude, getting in a bunch of fights and shit. I learned. I keep a bunch more friends when I don’t go off on friends. I believe in Karma the most. What you give is what you get in life.

IVAN: Personally, I don’t believe in God. I believe there is life after.

DAVE: I’m not religious at all. It’s not something I worry about. I’m nothing. I’m baptized and shit but that doesn’t mean anything to me. I believe, what happens…happens. I’m not gonna rely on any other God or anything to help me with my life or to support me. It’s all on me. If I want something to happen, I’m not gonna pray for it. I’m gonna fucking make it happen.

Do you guys like punk music?

DAVE: Yeah

COREY: Yeah that’s how I started playing fast stuff, before Slayer and Pantera. This is when I was 12. Misfits, Dead Kennedys, SOD…Anthrax. Anthrax ain’t punk, but they had the feel.

DAVE: I appreciate punk music for what it’s done for me and what it’s done for a lot of people. I got into extreme music through extreme punk. That’s where it all started. For a young 14-year-old, rebellious kid like me, not fitting in with anybody, punk was an easy way to get into something. I’ve been playing that for years. Playing-wise, once you reach a point in your musical life, punk is just not interesting to play anymore. It’s too simple; you’ve got to move into something better. I’m definitely metal over punk, but I still appreciate it.

IVAN: I know a lot of people are gonna hate me but I HATE punk (Laughs) I can’t even stand to hear punk playing in the background!

If you were gonna be killed by an animal, which kind of animal would it be?

COREY: Grizzly man. Get it over quick (Laughs)

Are you sure that would be quick?

COREY: No.No.I seen this thing on Discovery (Channel) last night. One of the best ways to fucking stay away from a Grizzly is to say “Whoa! (Arms flailing in the air)..Talk to the grizzly. Then put your hands behind your neck and stay cool, because they go right behind your neck. And then they chomp your face. So if you turn over and they chomp your face, you’re dead. If I were gonna die from any animal?It would probably be a black widow. Fucking get stung…be walking down the fucking trail, hallucinate, fall on the ground..(He makes a hilarious sounding wheezing sound, which in turn gets everyone to laugh) What the fuck! (Wheeze) What the fuck! (Wheeze) What the fuck! (Wheeze)…and die!

DAVE: Poisonous snake, spider, scorpion.

IVAN: A vampire..No that’s not an animal (Laughs) a spider.

Are you gonna keep your bald head Dave, or are you gonna grow your hair long?

DAVE: If I grew my hair, I would have an Afro one-foot wide. (Laughs) My theory is if you are in a metal band, you’ve got to have long hair or be bald and look mean.

COREY: Or fucking is a pretty boy like me.

If there were one thing about your love life you could change, what would it be?

DAVE: To have my own brothel with 25 beautiful 14 year olds…no (Laughs)

COREY: 26-36-26, brunette, blonde, redhead…it really don’t matter.

If there were one thing you would want a girl to do to you with an ice cube, what would it be?

IVAN: The chest

COREY: I’d want her to go right down the fucking spine of my back.

DAVE: I don’t know. The spine is good. I’m just copying Corey. From now on, my answers are going to be exactly what Corey says. (Laughs)

Any final comments?

DAVE: A big fucking THANK YOU to everybody in the scene here. Everybody has been incredibly cool to us. I’m so incredibly happy. The feeling you get when you are on stage…sending out waves of pure metal and seeing how everybody looks. they look..You know when they are fucking rocking out, they are just absorbing it and having the time of their lives. There’s nothing else like it. There is no better feeling in the world.

IVAN: I just want to thank everybody in the Colorado metal scene. It’s been really good to us. I’m still surprised.

CORY: Give me that microphone

Uh oh, here we go. (Laughs)

COREY: Ok, as far as everybody goes, think I’m a fucking pretty boy? I’m gonna fucking die my fucking hair orange (laughs), put a fuckin’ tattoo on my ass…fuck you, you fuckin’ piece of shit (Laughs) And then I’m gonna do a drum solo. And the name of the drum solo is gonna be, “Hang from my nuts, you motherfuckin’ pieces of shit”(laughs). Like a dingleberry. Then I’m gonna say, kiss my fuckin’ ass. Then maybe I won’t be such a pretty boy. Especially if I die my cock black (Laughs), shave my nuts (More laughter) and pump up my muscles, so it’s more proportionate to my body. Lick my hairy ass you fucks that think I’m a pretty boy. (Laughs) With my purple hair, my shaved nuts, my cock of steel…get this fuckin’ mic away from me. (Laughs)