Aside from your rabid fans, nobody seems to have heard of Six Reasons To Run. How did your band come together?

Jesse: Six Reasons to Run was formed about a year ago after the bassist, Scott, and I left our previous band to search for something greater. At the time, I was recording a few bands, one of which both guitarists Austin and Levi were a part of. Similar to Scott and me, Levi and Austin’s talents seeked greater achievement. They both agreed to join; all we needed was a drummer. Based on the music we had in mind, we needed a drummer with great technical abilities. Scott then mentioned a friend, James, who would fit the band’s needs. After only one practice, we discovered the five of us were a perfect formula for a successful band.

Do you handle all vocals?

Jesse: I do all screaming and aggressive vocals. Our guitarists Austin and Levi do “cleans.” Live, we mix it up a bit

Why does your band moniker name “6” reasons to run, when their are only “5” of you? It confuses me. Confused zombies usually start killing….

Jesse: We are on a journey to bring high energy metal to the world with intense shows and meaningful songs that people will remember. Five bastards + One mission = Six Reasons To Run

What genre of Metal do you fall into? Influences?

Jesse: We are a mix of hardcore and almost all types of metal. We are everything from fast speed picking harmonies to heavy hitting breakdowns. We are trying to be as well rounded as possible with our songs so our CD keeps people on their toes with surprises. Our influences range from classic hardcore bands such as Black My Heart, and Throwdown, to technical metal like All Shall Perish, and The Faceless. When writing rifts we try to make the song structure flow like water yet give people something they haven’t heard.

The only thing that hasn’t been heard is my band, Maris The Great and The Faggots of Death! What are your songs usually about?

Jesse: Our songs are usually about becoming stronger or resolving problems or conflicts. Some of our songs are about fire or death. Others are about saving someone.

Something I’ve noticed about guys with your blonde/brown hair color, is that they usually have a hairy ass. Do you have a hairy ass?

Jesse: Yeah my ass hair is about one and a half inches long. Our bass player Scott has pitch black, three-inch, ass hair which has been described as a black hole, or a dead forest. Austin has a bald pink butthole that we take turns putting Desitin on.

Do you ever shave?

Jesse: I usually keep a five O clock shadow on my dick. My ass has been shaved once but after experiencing the pain and discomfort of prickles rubbing back and forth as I walk, I said no more. I do have to admit when your ass is bare, wiping after taking a shit the size of a Qudoba burrito, is somewhat pleasing.

I’m sure it is. Does Six Reasons To Run have a discography? Have you released anything, or are you about to?

Jesse: We have only had demo CDs, but our fist six song EP is being released in July. I have spent countless hours tracking, mixing, and perfecting this CD from my studio. I can’t wait for people’s reactions, once it’s released. The CD will be available though itunes, Rhapsody, The Crew Presents, and Big Cartel.

Ok. That’s enough about your music, let’s go back to discussing wang. Have you seen any of your bandmates wangs?

Jesse: Being in a band is like being in a relationship. All cards, or in this case, dicks, must be thrown out on the table. It’s necessary to know who has the fattest, most ugly, purple, wrinkly dick. Our band can pick each other out of a crowd just based on genital defects.

Please continue…

Jesse: Well, Scott has a floppy sloppy white dick with balls that are uneven. Levi has two holes. Literally he has two holes. We have ran several tests to determine if semen comes out of one and piss out the other. We are still in the process of a conclusion…. Austin has a very small dark package, even though he is white as a saltine cracker. James has a fat brown dick with a purple tip, that shit is PURPLE. Asian, nipple purple. Finally, my dick is very average but when Jim fully erect it’s shaped like a banana, or a half pipe. Some people call me Nanners.

Ok, Nanners! If a genie magically appeared and gave your band three wishes, what would they be?

Nanners:1. Endorsements from ESP guitars and Peavey 2. A full US tour 3. All of us be able to gang bang Jenny Hendrix

Who is this female mortal, Jenny Hendrix

Nanners: Here’s something with her…

Ewwwwww!!!! How dare you post such an offensive video on a holy, gay website such as this! Why do you find this female creature to be so appealing?

Nanners: She has an ass the size of China, and knows how to use it?

I’ve heard female mortals with big bootys are all the rage these days…

Nanners: This is true. Sir Mix-a-Lot knows what’s up

Have you always been a fan of large buttocks?

Nanners: Yeah, ever since I discovered porn.

Why are straight men so hung up about their own asses

Nanners: We fear our own asses. We let the hair get out of control, because we can’t see it.

Have you ever had an orgasm with something inserted in your rectum, such as a finger?

Nanners: No. My girlfriend has asked me to put things in my ass, but I run (laughs).

Your female, mortal girlfriend is acceptable!

Nanners: (Laughs) She’s out of control!

What’s the craziest thing she has ever talked you into?

Nanners: We made love in a family bathroom, on a breast-feeding chair, in Park Meadows Mall.

That sounds like good subject matter for a Six Reasons To Run song!

Nanners: (Laughs) Absolutely.

What are some of your new songs about?

Nanners: “Rise” is about coming together with your bros and making it through struggle. “The Fallen” is about the end of the world.

What kind of impact would you like the band’s music to make. What would you like to leave mortals with?

Nanners: I would like to impact the world by making intense CD’s that people will jam for years, as well as play high energy shows that people do more than just watch.