What item on a McDonald’s menu best describes your wee wee?

GREGG: To tell you the truth, a Big Mac is still just a quarter pound. (Laughs) I’m a Quarter pounder…with cheese (Laughs)

So I take it your uncircumcised?

(Laughter around the room)

JIM: I’m McRib ‘cuz it takes a long time to work it (laughs)

GREGG: But the thing about the McRib is it only comes out two times a year (much laughter around the room)

DOUG: I was gonna say Big Mac but Donnie wants to be a Big Mac. (Laughs)

I’d say Donnie could be a Happy Meal but those are for kids

(Laughter)

DONNIE: That’s it. I want to be a Happy Meal! (Laughter) No…I guess I’d be Double Quarter Pounder with cheese.

Did the name of the band have anything to do with anyone in the band’s wee wee?

GREGG: The name came from this chick had this fucking grill (points to his teeth) and we were all tripping (on mushrooms) So we all started naying like a horse. We were like, “Horse Tooth Canyon”, “Horse Tooth Reservoir”, Horse this, Horse that and we were like, “A Band Called Horse”. We originally said the name was all about pain. A friend of ours was going with this girl and we didn’t want him to know because he’s a friend of ours. But now that they’re not together let it be known that (the band is) named after this woman (laughter)

Has the band always had the same members?

DONNIE: Of original ‘Horse, yeah, we’re the original members. I was the last member to get pulled in. Doug was in Nasty’s Nightmare.

I never got to see Nasty’s Nightmare.

GREGG: Oh man, you would have dug it. I used to hang myself on stage. Nasty’s Nightmare was an excuse to party. You had to do the gig before you could do the party.

DOUG: He dressed up in a nun’s outfit one time.

GREGG: Yeah. I used to have chainsaws. When George Bush got elected president, I cut his face out of time magazine and glued it on a mannequin and cut up the mannequin. We had this clown on stage…

How long was that band together?

GREGG: From ’91 to ’94

Gregg, you left Denver for awhile. Where did you go?

GREGG: I lived in San Jose for awhile. I had a band there called Suckapunch. I moved to Salt Lake and then it was back to Denver.

What was the intent you went into A BAND CALLED HORSE with?

JIM: We were gonna do thrashed out disco covers. We were gonna just have fun. We got together to have fun.

DOUG: That lasted about 10 seconds when we all got to the rehearsal space. We looked at each other and said, “All right, let’s pound out some tunes”. We never even learned one disco cover.

JIM: We probably had four or five originals in the first week. Everything was groovin’ so well that we just forgot about (the original idea).

When did “Free Thinking Society” come out?

GREGG: We recorded the 6 song EP in the summer of ’99.

Now you are re-recording the EP and turning it into a full length CD?

DONNIE: It (the 6 song EP) originally was intended to be a full-blown 13 song CD. We got into the studio. We just didn’t really end up happy with the final product. No special reason. It just wasn’t the best representation of us. So we decided to re-record it. We ended up adding some new songs that we’ve written since (the EP was released) What we’re coming up with now is fucking brutal.

I love “Spider”

DONNIE: That song is a really good representation of the album. All the songs are really shredding. We’re doing it up at “Rudy’s Studio”. Major props go out to Obie.

JIM: He has a lot of high-end equipment in a small room that makes…the tones you get are just perfect. It’s so easy there and it’s so relaxed.

You guys seem to work really well with each other.

DOUG: We’ve all been playing for over 10 years in different bands. Every one of us has known each other for over 10 years. We’ve all gone through any false realities or anything like that. We all know what we’re into and what sounds good. We know if something is gelling or if it’s not. I can’t imagine playing with anyone else in town. We’re like a family.

Has working with Gregg worked for you or against you?

JIM: It’s worked for us in every way. I wasn’t into Nasty’s Nightmare. So when Gregg joined up with us, I was a little skeptical. I was into it just for fun. Gregg has turned into a force, a definite force.

Tell me about how you got into playing guitar, Donnie.

DONNIE: I was born an old black man in Mississippi. I thought of playing guitar. I started showing Elvis a few riffs. I started to get whiter and whiter. I moved north to accommodate the pigment of my skin with the proper sunlight. I started playing heavy metal instead of blues, man. (Laughs)

A lot of people cite you as one of the best guitarists here in Colorado. How do you react to that?

DONNIE: Well, it’s like, compliments are the only payment we get a lot of the time (laughs). So, I love compliments. I appreciate it. I appreciate all the people out there sayin’ stuff like that. It’s very cool.

JIM: At the beginning of a band, it’s the compliments you like the most. We brought a tape home for Kris (Greg’s wife) to listen to. She said, “This is music you can listen to and enjoy without vocals.” (Everyone looks at Gregg and laughs) That’s when we added Gregg’s vocals. Now she doesn’t come see us anymore (Much laughter).

How did you start playing drums, Jim?

JIM: Well I was the bassist for a band called Angelic Rage. When we broke up, one of the guitarists, named Kevin, told me I should take up drums. When ever we’d get together with friends and jam, I’d play drums. So he was starting a new band and he needed a drummer. I had a pocket full of money so I went out and bought a kit. I practiced every day for like, a year.

Did you end up joining his band?

JIM: Yeah, Millenium.

If you were gay, Donnie, which member of the band would you be most attracted to?

DONNIE: Number five by all means! (Laughs)

Who’s number five?

DONNIE: Jeff, our soundman (laughs) Number five’s got the perkiest booty, no question about it (laughs). He looks like Willy Nelson. When he gets old we’re gonna braid his hair. I think I speak for the whole band when I say we’d all do number five (laughs)

If you could trace back to the album most responsible for you being in a band today, which would it be?

GREGG: That’s tough because it was a bunch of different stuff. Kiss, Alice Cooper, Black Sabbath, Van Halen, I think. Probably in that order. It started with Kiss…Jesus, when I was in like, 4th or 5th grade. My old man took me to see them in the 5th grade.

What tour?

GREGG: Destroyer man. It was rad, man! It was fucking bad – I’ll never forget that shit. It was fuckin’ nuts bro’.

JIM: In ’78 I was 8 years old and my mom took me to a Kiss concert.

GREGG: I also saw the original AC/DC with Bon Scott. Fuckin’ awesome concert. That had a lot of influence. It was just evil, good time, party rock and roll – with a little dash of the devil.

JIM: Alice Cooper, “Welcome To My Nightmare”, first album I ever owned. I had a Bee Gee’s album, Rod Stewart. I had Kiss “Alive”.

DOUG: Kiss’ “Destroyer” was the first album I bought with my own money. I was Ace Frehley for like, 4th grade, 5th grade.

JIM: No Bee Gee’s man? C’mon Doug, help me out.

DOUG: No Bee Gees. I hate disco. I never liked that idea.

DONNIE: I’m gonna give up my age, ‘cuz once again, I was born an older black man in Mississippi (laughs) It was The Beatles’ “White Album”. My uncle Larry- a really cool Uncle I had when I was a kid- always had these cool albums when I’d go over to his house. He had all The Beatles. (He had) really old Blues with slide guitar players- stuff you wouldn’t normally hear. He was a real collector. The Beatles’ “White Album”, he gave me, it was like my first album. I was like a ‘Beatles freak for the first 20 years of my life. It was really a movie that inspired me to play guitar though. It was “The Song Remains The Same”. The next day (after seeing it) I went and got a guitar. I knew chords a couple of weeks later. I was really hungry after that.

Since you all seem somewhat into Kiss, let me ask the following question. If you were going to paint Kiss makeup on the head of your wee wee, which member’s makeup would you do and why?

DONNIE: Uh let’s see…Uh…

GREGG: (Says to Donny) Ace Frehley, slow and sloppy! (Laughs)

DONNIE: (Laughs) No…uh…It would have to be Peter Criss. You know, “here comes the kitty baby!” (Laughs)

DOUG: It would have to be Gene for me, ‘cuz I’m Satan.

JIM: The Star

Why?

JIM: Why? (Laughs) I don’t know why…It’s just the feelin’ I got (laughs)

GREGG: Gene Simmons, ‘cuz I’ve got demons in my semen (laughter)

Gregg, you seem like a politically conscious person.

GREGG: I have a microphone, so if it bothers me, it probably bothers other people too. They just don’t have the same opportunity I have. They may not agree with me, but that’s what democracy and The Republic is all about. It’s about exercising your opinion. Your opinion is supposedly granted through vote. We’ve all grown up in this country and we’ve all seen how modern democracy is being run. Everybody now wants it to work for them. Why shouldn’t they? That’s the American dream. It just seems like the will of the people is not being commanded. And I’m not talking about this last election either. I’m just talking about bogus representation; people that there making politics their career. I don’t think it should be (like that). I think it should be like enlisting in the military. It should be a service. Something that you do that you get paid for, but you shouldn’t have all this special interest money. We need to curb that. That needs to be curbed. I think people should be informed about what industrial and environmental needs are of The Country, but I don’t think there should be someone sitting there waiting for these motherfuckers to get out of their fuckin’ limos and walk into the chambers so that they can yap in their fuckin’ ear, ya know? Giving them money so that they can be re-elected and sending them on trips- it just seems to me like some Hollywood fairy tale. It’s the East Coast Hollywood. I don’t think there is anyone representing The People. There’s a few people, but I don’t think the representation is being used right.

Is political correctness a good thing or a bad thing?

DONNIE: Political correctness is bullshit in my opinion, because it serves no purpose other than to sugarcoat bullshit.

GREGG: You know what? It’s amazing that I, who did not choose to be white, has to walk on eggshells. I don’t use slurs; it’s not necessary. I hear people use slurs with friends, jokingly. The brother’s be slammin’ the “N” word left and right to each other. Everybody is really sensitive when it comes to somebody outside their group offending them. If somebody is violently attacking you that’s one thing. If you’re being kept from having a job because of what you are…but (if someone’s) sittin there calling you names…if someone outside of (a person’s) clique offends them, then suddenly there’s lawsuits, problems, for something that should have never happened. (People say) “Well maybe you should have kept your mouth shut”, well this fuckin’ country was made on not keeping your fuckin’ mouth shut. If you want to make it able for people to say what they want to say, whether it’s wrong or right, that has to be a part of it. That’s just the way it works. It’s got to work for everybody, not just the select few.

JIM: When the shoes on the other foot, it’s just on the other foot. It’s just another group of people that are slandering another group of people, you know what I mean?

DONNIE: It’s like going to an abortion clinic and being called a baby killer by some guy swinging from a tree.

GREGG: Which isn’t too politically correct is it? So here we are with the original question. The problem is that this society that we live in is driven by hate. People look at every opportunity to hurt one another. Verbal is the only way, and then the only way to fight back is to lawsuit them. That’s ridiculous.

A lot of your songs are about deep shit. Any songs about Pussy?

DONNIE: The closest is “Jane”. It’s about women. It’s about the connection between the comfort of your significant other and drugs. The feel good. It’s about the fight, “do I want my bong or do I want my woman?”

GREGG: After 19 years, that’s a tough one (laughs).

DONNIE: We have songs…there’s the song called “The Word”. It’s a song about our interpretation of the Bible. Let’s say I’m the devil, just for the sake of the argument. Would you hang my ass? Would you hang me out to dry?

What song do you think hold your heaviest lyrics, subject-wise?

GREGG: “Hate Crimes.” The chorus is the same but the verses change. I have that freedom in this band to do that. A lot of the songs…some nights you probably won’t hear the same lyrical content. I’ll change shit on the spur of the moment. “Hate Crimes” is like that. I’ll talk about whatever is bothering me, or whatever I need to get off my chest. The chorus is “hate crimes, lookin’ for signs of life in these troubled times”. There’s “Kingdom of the Damned” – that’s about the Front Range, specifically from Boulder to Littleton. Of the new songs, “Spider” is about being a male spider. You fuck and then you die, that’s your job.

How do the songs come together?

GREGG: (Grabs the mic and changes voice) I get up early and I drink some Jagermeister man and I get on the crapper and I read me some porno. I wipe my ass vigorously and I come out here and get me some breakfast. I call up Donnie and I say, “Donnie let’s do a shot.” He grabs his bottle of Jaguar and he pours himself a shot and I pour myself a shot. And we start slammin’ via the phone, dude. And let me tell you some intoxication is startin’. Then we pull out our good, trusty glass and fill it full of kind. We get all hazy-like and things just start to appear. It’s some crazy shit. It’s unbelievable. I can see Donnie in my fuckin’ living room and he’s at his house! It’s nuts dude. You drink a fuckin’ 750 milliliter bottle of Jagermeister and you’ll see shit, let me tell ya brother. YOU’LL SEE SOME SHIT! (Laughs)…Uh…the truth of the matter is (laughter around the room as he changes back to his normal voice) I bring some lyrics sometimes. Mostly it starts with Donnie. Donnie starts with the music. He has some ideas or some words and we go from there.

What do the fans want most from a band?

DOUG: Good music. The music speaks for itself. If it’s a turd you can only polish it so far.

What would you like to do on stage that you don’t do now?

GREGG: You know what I’d like to do? We just need bigger places to do it man. I wanna like, go off with an ax and shit. If I had more shit to break on stage-which is really what I’m into…it’s my big release on stage. Just getting all my negativity out. I’d just love to “Wendy O” a fuckin’ wall of TV’s. That would be fuckin cool. Or drive a Harley through a fuckin’ plate glass window, or take a fuckin’ ax to a block of wood. You know what I’m sayin’? Make some kindling and throw down some tent stakes and shit, just go off!

You have a mannequin’s head on stage with you. What’s the story behind that?

DONNIE: That’s Sha Nay Nay. She’s been with me for years dude. I’ve been in bands for the last 15 years. Everybody knows I’m an old duff but like, she’s been with me since I moved into this studio/rehearsal space that was down on Logan Street in Arizona which has housed bands since like, surf music. Since the ‘50’s there’s been bands in there playin’. I found Sha Nay Nay in a big pile of Jack Daniel’s bottles and shit. It was like three feet high in there. Sha Nay Nay was in there. So she comes to every show. She’s good luck.

GREGG: It’s the perfect promotional item. Buy a case of Jack Daniel’s, get a free mannequin head (laughs)

Tell me how you got into playin’ bass, Doug.

DOUG: I was playin’ guitar actually, in High School. I was playing a bass off the wall at a music store. One of the bands in Pueblo that was popular then called Just Insane…you know, back in the 80’s. Back in the Glam rock days. The singer was there (in the music store) and he said, “We need a new bass player, you want to come down”? I borrowed a bass and a bass amp, got the gig and toured with them for a year on borrowed equipment. (So I said) “Well, I guess I’m playing bass”. I’ve been playing bass ever since.

Do you miss guitar?

GREGG: Doug has a tough enough time with 4 strings man, don’t be throwin’ two more into the mix (laughs)

Greg’s wife, Kris, is going to ask all of you a series of deep and thoughtful questions. Think carefully before you answer.

KRIS: If you had to name a smell that always makes you nostalgic, what would it be?

JIM: Wet nap’s from KFC. (Laughs) To this day, I will eat KFC, hold the nap’ up to my mouth and just… (Sniffs) It takes me back to 5 years old, in Omaha Nebraska. KFC was like a special moment.

DOUG: Jagermeister makes me nostalgic in that it makes me want to puke. I tried to do 23 shots of Jagermeister on my 23rd birthday. I made it to 19.

GREGG: I had to pay this dude $50 bucks to take him home, ‘cuz I wasn’t gonna leave. I’m like fuck you Doug, you pussy. This dude threw him over his shoulder and carried him out of Bangles, threw him in his car, drove him to his apartment, carried him up the fuckin’ stairs, threw him on his bed. He called me up and said, “I dropped him off”. I said, “come back and get your money”. He came back and we fuckin’ partied like crazy (laughs) Nuts, he’s such a pussy man, he’s always been the biggest pussy dude (laughs). He’s also the whipping boy. We fuckin’ beat him down (laughs). He does a lot of the work, ya know? Every time that shit goes wrong, we’re like, “fuck you Doug!” (Laughs).

KRIS: If you were to become a prostitute, how much money do you think you could charge per hour?

DOUG: 1000 bucks.

GREGG: Yeah, right. $1000 bucks?

Donnie?

DONNIE: Well, first of all, I think I’d make an extremely ugly bitch. So…I’d be a five-dollar, hand-job hooker (laughs).

JIM: I’d definitely be a $15 dollar he-bitch with a crack option (laughs)

GREGG: I’d be the hairy guy with the electric razor, standing on the corner, in a Speedo (laughs)

KRIS: If you could hear the deathbed confession of one person in history, whom would you pick?

DOUG: Lee Harvey Oswald.

JIM: Sam Kinnison

DONNIE: O.J.

GREGG: Oh man…this requires thought (laughs) not that I’m incapable of thought (laughs) but this requires moments of thought…um…I have no comment

KRIS: If you could give the clearest proof that evil exists in the world today, what would you say?

JIM: Backstreet Boys and NSYNC*.

DOUG: I would have to say the absolute proof that evil exists is you, Maris (laughs)

GREGG: I would have to say… “Choice.”

If there were something that could or should be changed about the local music scene what would it be?

JIM: I wish people respected the out of town gigs and the small town gigs more. We’ve enjoyed those the most because people relate to you. You can get down to earth with them. A lot of times it seems in the bigger cities, you get less appreciation as far as, one on one contact. You can play a show in Sydney Nebraska and the people love you and you love them. The big city life is more about getting out and thinking, “am I suppose to think these guys are cool? Do my friends think they’re cool?” It’s more superficial. People will come see you ‘cuss somebody said you’re suppose to be cool, not because they enjoyed it. I wish it were more down to earth.

DOUG: I think we’ve had really good fans. Going out of town, we’ve had really good success. Places we weren’t expecting to have a good crowd, we’ve had ‘em. The place is packed.

GREGG: I think the bands here support each other pretty good. There is a little stronger family vibe going on. I wish there were more all age’s venues besides NIPP venues. It would be great to include some of these kids on the music that they’re missing out on. I won’t go into my personal reasons with NIPP, but we don’t do shows there. Whether they think we suck or I have a problem with them, is not important. But we need some more all age’s venues. That would help out the scene tremendously. A lot of the fan base in clubs are bands that aren’t playin ya know? You go see your bro’s band. There are a lot of bands right now, man. More than I’ve ever seen. A lot of really good bands. More than I’ve ever seen in Denver. Good bands that I wouldn’t mind seeing at all. Tons of ‘em. We’ve got to branch out. We’ve got to get out of this 21 and older mode. There’s a lot of money to be had with these kids. It would make the local Denver scene so much better.

DONNIE: I’d like to see the bar owners, people like NIPP, that are screwing these bands…they’re walking up to these bands 5, 10, 50 bucks. The band has brought in 150 of their friends who have bought alcohol that probably rang up around 5 grand. How do you expect to have something like that work? Some asshole is lining his pockets. I see an awful lot of that going on. There are a few places that are tryin’ to make a difference, but a lot of times it’s the bands that suffer. That really sucks.

What are some of your favorite local bands?

DONNIE: I love Tread. They’re really cool. They’ve always been my favorite band. I love Rogue. I love a bunch of bands, man. I’m hearing good things about Typhoid Mary.

DOUG: There are so many bands that are really good that it would be a lengthy list. Truth – those guys rule. They’re amazing. Rocket Ajax. Todd and Dan – I’ve known those guys for years.

JIM: Rocket Ajax to me is the best band I’ve heard in a long time.

GREGG: Fuck all ya all. Send your e-mails to LynneRyan@kbpi.com, not me, Goddamnit! (Laughs)