If a Genie appeared, and granted you the ability to give your wee wee one supernatural power, what would it be?

BILL: I’d probably give my wee wee a tongue.

ANDY: Uh…well…my Prince Albert is pretty much my…super hero like uh…. my avender of the universe.

BEN: A vender?…or…

ANDY: Avender…

BEN: A vender. Your wee wee is the pop machine of the universe huh? (Everybody laughs)

ANDY: Ask my girlfriend

(Maris goes over to Andy’s girlfriend)

What is your name female mortal?

KATIE: I’m Katie.

Using my microphone as a model, (Maris The Great’s microphone is a 7 inch dildo with the microphone built inside) tell me how Andy’s wee wee compares

KATIE: It’s bigger. And the head is bigger (Everybody cat calls and laughs) Oh my God! Get this away from me (Laughter)

Nick, the quiet one. What power would you give your wee wee if you could give it supernatural powers?

NICK: He already does. He just needs a cape (Everybody laughs)

Who started BLACK LAMB, mortal?

BEN: Me.

Tell me about the beginnings of BLACK LAMB.

BEN: In the beginning, I worked at this place with this guy named John. We started up the band together. We called up Brian and Bill here. John had to get fired cuz he didn’t have the same goal as us, which is to be “Super Rock” and to rule the planet. We were sad because we lost a friend with firing John, which sucks. I just wanted to play some rock and roll. I found some rock and rollers. Now we’re playing rock and roll.

Simple as that?

BEN: Simple as that.

So the key word is Rock and Roll. Not Heavy Metal or….

BEN: We just want to play Rock and Roll – old, but new. You hear all these bands that sound like, Rap-rock or whatever. That sucks. We just want to play rock, like, AC/DC or the Stones. Black Sabbath. Something that rocks! Not sucks.

ANDY: The reason of BLACK LAMB is…and the beautiful glory of BLACK LAMB is…being a musician is being a fan of music. This is an opportunity to play the 70’s rock sound and bringing the 70’s rock sound back. This is an opportunity to play the music you were influenced by when you were young. Something like before you even had an instrument. The kind of music that made you pick up an instrument and say, “This is so fucking rock and roll. I got to pick up a bass guitar and learn how to play this motherfucker.” This is the kind of music that is all coming back. Things go in a cycle you know? Disco. The new Disco is Techno, you know? It just evolves. Metal. Back in 1984 with Motley Crue. They were Metal. And look when the Grunge thing came in and killed all the Metal bands. Well, Metal is coming back in the year 2000.

We’re in the year 2001, mortal. Get it right!

ANDY: And 2001. The great thing is to be able to play the music you were influenced by as a kid. Everything you dreamed of being, actually being…with that language, you know. In a figure of speech.

Last time I talked to you, Andy, you were in Blister66. Why did you leave? What really went down? I want to know the truth.

ANDY: Around Halloween of 2000, Philo and I both departed Blister66. The reasons were due to disagreements in the band.

About what?

ANDY: Well originally Chris Dellinger and I formed the band, before Philo was in the band. We played with Chris Reser. We played, went out on tour, recorded our first album, Throw it in dry. And then we started working on some new material. At that time, I had reasons for leaving. I had discovered the world of Techno music and electronic music, which just blew my mind. The boundaries of electronic music. I’m used to playing one instrument – bass. With electronic music you could do all this stuff, create your own songs. Create the weirdest shit you’ve ever heard. I was blown away by that. I picked up DJ-ing and stuff like that. I left the band for a year and a half to pursue it. I reunited with them after awhile. The feeling of being in a band…there’s a power and a strength of playing as a team. You have four other entities with you. All creative minds. Everybody putting their heart and soul- their everything together. Instead of 100% you’ve got 500%. Instead of being by yourself as a DJ. If you have a bad night, you have a bad night. You suck. If you have a great night, you have a great night. In a band, it’s teamwork. If you’re not having the best night for some reason, the other guy might be kicking ass. The strength of the band. The team!

So you came back to Blister66? Typical, foolish mortal thing to do.

ANDY: So I came back to Blister’ and things went beautiful. I did the biggest things I’ve ever done. We got to play the Warped tour, the KTCL Big Adventure, played in front of thousands of people. The biggest crowds I’ve ever played in front of. What a rush! We did a lot of touring and stuff. A lot of people met a lot of folks. Everywhere we went, everybody loved us. When you’re playing locally, of course all of your friends are gonna show up. When you’re on the road and you’ve got people- people you’ve never seen before and they all love you, it’s the biggest compliment in the world. They don’t have to like you. They’ve never even heard of you. They’re all buying your T-shirts; they’re all buying your CD’s. They want autographs. They want to know you, where you’re from. You just blew their mind. That was so incredible. So I believed that carried my spirit in Blister66 for a long time. The excitement of the band and what the band was doing. After I rejoined the band, Joe Sego left. I think he felt uncomfortable about me rejoining. Maybe he felt threatened. When I left the band, he picked up bass. When I rejoined, I started playing bass again. I think he wanted a little more. I don’t want to talk shit about him. After 6 months, Joe wanted to rejoin the band. At this time, the band had done nothing but played. We had toured, we had played. We never had any time at home. We were gonna write a new album. Like a chicken laying an egg, you’ve got to sit there and hatch ‘em. We never sat there long enough to hatch any eggs. We just kept playing shows. After a year goes by, it’s a cluster-fuck. We’re looking at each other like, “OK let’s write a song.” Everybody felt so distanced from each other. It made it hard to write songs. Everybody was like, “OK we’re not writing music.” Everybody started pointing fingers at who they thought was the wink link of the band. So, Joe Sego came back into the band. We thought well maybe we need a great influence of a good songwriter. Afterall, he was there in the beginning. He was a big contributor in the beginning. We thought, “Well maybe we’re not Blister66 without Joe.” He came back into the band and it seemed to make things even more of a Cluster-fuck. We just weren’t in the groove of song writing.

NICK: I thought this was supposed to be an interview about BLACK LAMB.

Silence mortal! Continue Andy.

ANDY: Anyway, everybody started analyzing the band. Chris Dellinger was a hard working guy. He’s always on the Internet. I would watch him. I was a roommate with him. He’d be on the Internet 8 hours a day and then work a (day) job. He was constantly doing his thing for the band. My personal opinion is that when it came time for writing new songs, he wasn’t doing a lot for the band in song writing. That was frustrating. Being discouraged with the band, I’m just gonna have fun with it. I’m gonna party, have fun at the shows with the people. That’s what kept me going. Chris was worried about the band. He was doing all the business and all the Internet stuff. I’m just kind of waiting to get some unity. After awhile it became frustrating. I don’t even know where I’m going here…Chris needed to make decisions, being he was the leader of the band. He’s doing all the business. Suddenly he just like…I don’t know. He just started changing from the happy-go-lucky guy that I knew when I joined the band to a person who’s like mad at everybody. Chris and I had our differences. My issues with him were about the music. His issues with me were about my professionalism. It was time for me to leave the band when my heart and soul was no longer in it. That’s when I found myself in BLACK LAMB. Brian called me up and said, “We’re looking for a bass player.” I thought it sounded like a lot of fun. After all the frustration of being in Blister66, trying to get signed and trying to make a record, it sounded cool to just have fun and play my instrument again.

BEN: We gave him a prostate exam and figured out he was clean. (Laughs) Once that was clear and Andy came out clean, he became our bass player. It’s worked out ever since.

Speaking of prostates, have you ever had a prostate exam?

BEN: Yeah, I’ve had a prostate exam. I was unconscious for awhile. I woke up, and I had these weird finger bruises on my shoulders. (Laughs)

Brian you are the lead singer. There is a lot of classic stuff that comes through you when you sing. It’s almost like I’m seeing Mick Jagger coming through you.

BRIAN: Well, following my prostate exam, I started re-examining my life. I thought, well maybe it’s the sensation of being in someone else’s skin. Maybe it’s about being inside the skin of someone as charismatic as Mick Jagger or Chris Robinson of the Black Crows, or even Michael Hutchence. I do like that auto-erotica asphyxia stuff too. I won’t go out like that but a little bit goes a long way with that.

Have you ever tried the asphyxia form of masturbation?

BRIAN: Oh, of course.

How do you do it?

BRIAN: You just get a belt…one hand on the belt, one hand on the lotion. (Laughs)

What does it feel like when you have an orgasm?

BRIAN: Well, did you ever do that trick when you were a kid where you breathe in and out real fast? You know what It’s like? It’s like a nitrate balloon and an orgasm at the same time. So anyway, getting back to my influences. It’s like being in someone else’s skin without having to be physically inside of their rectum. To me, it seems like an avenue I’d like to explore. All the influences I grew up listening to that my Dad played for me – David Bowie, Mick Jagger and kind of the attitude of Punk rock – are inside of me. Just fucking do it. It doesn’t matter that you’re from Commerce City or wherever. You can still get up on stage and be Mick Jagger for an hour. Have the audience captivated. So that’s what I’m doing.

What’s your favorite kind of audience?

BRIAN: Chicks, mainly

EVERYBODY: Yeah!!

BRIAN: If you got a bus load of women from Shotgun Willie’s and brought them to a show, it would be the greatest thing. It’s not so much a sexual thing as much as a power thing. To be able to entertain people that you normally would have trouble even approaching in day to day life.

BEN: It’s a high

BRIAN: Yeah, it’s a high. Of course all the drugs help. (Laughs)

Nick, tell me about your influences.

NICK: Well, I grew up listening to Motown, through my parents and everything. When I was about 14, I got into a band and started playing. After that it was a lot of Metal until I was about 28. Then my influences started changing more. I started playing Punk rock. I moved out to Denver a couple of years ago. I met Brian at a party, went and tried out for his band. We’re still in a band together – a different project. That’s how I got introduced to this band. They hired me as their drummer about four months ago. I’ve been playing rock and rolls since. It’s a different avenue for me.

Since you come from heavier musical roots, is playing rock and roll creatively satisfying?

NICK: Yeah it was different slowing down and trying new things at a different pace. I adapted pretty quickly though. It’s actually a lot of fun. It’s really heavy. I play a lot harder now because I have the time to do it. It’s cool.

For such a new band, you got an EP out really quickly. How did Morning Star come about?

BEN: Sometimes weird shit happens like your Dad hangs himself on Christmas. So you get $135,000 dollars from insurance. So then, you buy some drugs of course. Then you buy a bunch of stuff. 15 guitars, mobile track recorder machines, and some more drugs. You buy some liquor. And then you go to Las Vegas and then you record a bunch of shit after you get back. (Laughs)

ANDY: After you get out of rehab!

BEN: (Laughs) After you get out of rehab! What was the question again?

(Katey Wheelhouse, BLACK LAMB’s manager answers him)

KATEY W: How did the CD come out so quickly?

BEN: I recorded the CD at my gig here. Other bands can record here if they so desire. They just need to contact me. Please email me at thelambsdenver@hotmail.com and I will record you for $50.00 a song. Anyway, I recorded the record here and uh…I’m too drunk to talk to you Maris. (Laughs)

How did the songs come together?

BILL: Well, the first time I started writing songs for BLACK LAMB, we started out in Ben’s basement before we moved here. The songs are just basically someone else’s riffs cut into a million pieces. The songs came about basically when I was up taking a piss. I was taking a leak in Ben’s bathroom and I’m not bullshittin’. This is true, totally true. I was upstairs taking a leak and the majority of the songs I’ve written for this band came about with me humming stuff while I was taking a pee. (Laughs) I’d come down stairs and figure out the key I was humming in. The next thing you know…the songs were done! (Laughs) It’s all about taking a piss, ripping off other people’s stuff (Laughs) There’s nothing you can do originally anymore with the music we’re doing. (He looks at the penis microphone in his hand) Jesus Christ, I am holding this dick like it’s my own (Much laughter) This thing better ejaculate before I get frustrated! (Everybody laughs)

Why was the CD called Morning Star?

BRIAN: Morning Star…we just thought that was the most indicative to our sound. It also kind of describes our point of view. A morning star is basically a word for the devil or seeking out something that’s not popular with society at large. I twisted the word around so that the morning star isn’t something evil but about people who do what they want to do. If you’re up at eight in the morning while everyone else is jogging. You’re half-cocked with a bloody nose and barely breathing. Hey…(Laughs) it’s just kind of our mantra. We’re the real deal. We are a real rock and roll band. We live rock and roll. We eat, live, breath, shit, snorts, drink, live like rock and roll. That’s not gonna be too popular with our parole officers, but hey… I don’t even know if they know about your website. And Mom I apologize for that, but I did borrow your credit card that one time. It wasn’t for shoes. (Laughs) OK. It wasn’t. I’m sorry.

Speaking of Parole officers, what is the extent of each of your criminal records?

ANDY: I’m clean man (Everybody laughs) I’ve never gotten a ticket in my life! (More laughter)

BILL: Other than that ticket for soliciting ticket he got last week

ANDY: For prostitution! (Laughs)

BILL: I don’t even know what to say to that.

BRIAN: Thankfully, as of last Saturday, I am out of the watchful eye of the Government. I had a lot of drunken episodes. Finally, you know, with the help of my friend here, Ben, my guy, my partner…what do they call that? In A.A…

BEN: A.A?

BRIAN: Yeah.

BEN: Well, I think that’s compadre.

BRIAN: We’ve been working our way through our dependency problems. We’re gonna make it, I think.

BEN: Did you get that Demerol?

BRIAN: (Laughs) Yeah, actually I have it on me, but you’re gonna have to wait for about two hours to get any of it (Laughter)

What about you Nick?

NICK: I’m clean (Everybody laughs)

You’re all working on a full length CD now. Why so soon after Morning Star?

BEN: We recorded Morning Star with John in the band. It was kind of the tail end of that situation. It’s still a touchy subject. John didn’t leave, he got thrown out.

BILL: Hey, don’t say that!

BEN: Well, Bill says don’t say that but we threw John out. He didn’t have the same drive, the same get up and go, the same love of Rock and Roll that everyone in the band now has. John was more concerned about getting panties thrown at his drum set.

Yeah, but isn’t that what Rock and Roll is about?

BEN: It is. Don’t get me wrong, panties is a good thing. Panties is Rock and Roll. But so is being on it. On the ball. On the Rock and Roll. And if you’re not on that, then you’re not gonna be in my band. (Everybody laughs)

OK, so tell me about the new CD.

BEN: The new record is called The High and the Mighty. Because…we are mostly high (Laughs) It will have the same four songs that are on The Morning Star, but different drum tracks. A little more spicy.

BRIAN: This full length CD is basically our whole set. We’re gonna show a lot more of the different dynamics of the song writing. We did the EP to just basically get those four songs out there. This is gonna reflect a lot more of our varied influences. You’ll buy this record and say, “That’s a BLACK LAMB record” like you’d say “That’s a Rolling Stones record.”

Have you considered having it pressed on vinyl?

BRIAN: I would love to have it pressed on vinyl. In fact, I have connections. I’ve been in the Punk rock scene for so long. But vinyl is a bit of an investment. I think initially, our main intent is to get it out on CD.

Live, your voice sounds very classic Rock and Roll, but on Morning Star it reminds me of Glenn Danzig.

BILL: A lot of the youngsters think Brian sounds like Danzig. It doesn’t make sense to me but…

(At that point, Katey, their manager jumps up laughing hysterically. There is a puddle of liquid on the couch.)

BILL: I can’t believe our manager is upstaging me. Oh my God, she just pissed the couch! Look at that! Our manager just pissed all over the couch!

KATEY: I did not! (Laughing) Get me a towel!

ANDY: We’re a Rock and Roll band, we don’t have towels! (Much Laughter)

BILL: Anyway, a lot of youngsters think Brian sounds like Danzig because they haven’t been exposed to the older bands like the Stones. Brian has a lot of Jim Morrison in him. He’s got a little of Ian Astbury. He’s got little bit of everything. He’s just a great singer. He’s just got a very eclectic sound to his voice. He’s an excellent songwriter.

ANDY: He’s one of the best singers in Denver.

What’s the best pick up line you’ve ever used to get pussy?

ANDY: My favorite is you go up to a girl and you ask her if she likes apples. And she say’s “Yeah.” And that’s a very good sign right there. (Everybody roars with laughter) Then you ask her if she wants to fuck! (More laughter).

BILL: Well, I’m married.

Well what line did you use to pick up your wife for the first time?

BRIAN: He picked her up when she sold shotguns at K-Mart (Laughter)

BILL: I can’t believe you remembered that! (Laughs) Well, the first time I met my wife, one of her friends was hot for me and she was trying to hook up with me. I’m a big fan of long, dark hairdo, exotic kind of women. My wife is an Italian girl.

ANDY: You better not talk about other women being hot for you ‘cuss that, right there makes them pissed. You better start over. Ex the other girl and start from there.

BILL: Well, I met my wife, she came over to my house. I kind of rubbed her back. She was 16 years old and I was 24.

ANDY: Uh, Oh, Pedophile! (Laughs)

BILL: No, no, no, no! The good thing about this story is I courted my wife. I corked…I courted my wife.

BRIAN: He corked his wife! (Much Laughter)

BILL: I tried that once, but she went through the skylight. (Laughs) I courted my wife. She was like, 16 years old, I was like 24. I brought her home because she had been staying at my home for like, two weeks. So I brought her home and the first thing her Mom said was “Hello, Bill Nice to meet you. Did you know my daughter was only 16 years old?” I said, “No, but what’s done is done.”

ANDY: You better reword that and start over. Nix the 16 part and start over (Laughs)

BILL: No, I said, “what’s done is done. I’m not gonna ditch ya.” We’ve been married seven years and have a child. (Everybody cheers) We’re good to go.

Do you think Murray and I would make a good married couple?

ANDY: I think if you shaved your head, you’d both make an excellent couple. (Laughs)

BILL: Do you have a scrotum piercing of any kind?

No.

BILL: You might want to get one, then you’d both make the perfect couple. You’d be like Tom Cruise and…whoever else the fuck he’s dating. (Laughs)

BEN: Isn’t Drudgery broken up?

NO! Of course not!

ANDY: They got a new drummer. I forgot his name, but I know him.

Steve

ANDY: Steve! That’s right. Much props to Steve cuz he knows who I am and stuff. (Laughs)

BILL: For knowing you, someone gets props? (Laughter)

ANDY: Props to Steve for being the new drummer. We love you guys.

BEN: I think Murray’s head is too bald to be your lover because he’s a Marine or something. (Laughs)

BILL: He’s balder than bald.

ANDY: He’s too smooth for ya.

BEN: Yeah, he’s smooth up in ya! (Everybody laughs)

What about you, Brian?

BRIAN: What was the question?

(Everybody laughs)

Do you think Murray is an acceptable mate for my Greatness?

BRIAN: If you were to date…who is it Mary? (Everybody roars with laughter)

ANDY: MURRAY dude! Don’t diss him. He’s a Marine. He’ll kick your butt! (Laughs)

You’re playing with Mudhoney coming up. Tell me about it.

BEN: Well, we’re playing with Mudhoney on August 18th. We’re also playing with the Super Bees. It’s gonna be a kick ass show. Come see BLACK LAMB at the Ogden Theatre. Doors are at eight. Show is at Nine. BLACK LAMB starts first. $15.00 at the door.

Well I believe that’s all my Greatness needs to know.

BEN: Great. Did you see our new toy when you came in, Maris?

No

BEN: Someone sent us this totally cool robot.

BILL: The package she came in says “HoBot.”

ANDY: Yeah! HoBot! (Laughs)

I do not know of that which you speak.

ANDY: Oh yeah! Come in the other room we’ll show you to her.