Jukebox Hardknocks is my most recent victims and the 132nd band to fall prey to the death I bring.
They are the first Honky Tonk band I’ve ever had the pleasure of dining upon. The interesting thing is, I know nothing about the genre. But maybe it’s because all three members come from the punk scene, I found it easier to connect with the stripped-down, death twang of their odes to death and loneliness, if not the murder ballads of front man and heart and (dark) soul of the group, The Andy Christ. While I will go on the record and say that drummer Tavo Dynamite is hot, with his surprisingly hairy cadaver and upright bassist Johnny Dethray is possibly the true pin up boy of the band, it’s the muscular, marine, lead crooner that will win you over with his Johnny Cash baritone and his super large peen.
Yep, I said it.
His peen is SO big, that I limped the next day after only seeing a photo of it. And if you female mortals were worth your weight in vaginas, you would listen to me for once in your mortal lives and fuck him while he is still single. But if you do, do it while he’s drenched in blood, because this mortal is as dark and brooding as they come. And he means every word or murder he sings about.
The band is literally building a new country scene here in Denver and have generated one full-length and several EPs in little over a year of existence. Rounding out their sound, is the talented Adam Stern on the pedal steel.
I stalked and attacked the band in Riverside Cemetery, while they were preparing to shoot their latest video. They wisely ran and I gave them a good chase…all the way to Johnny’s home up in Aurora. The death pics include one subtle, but very present homoerotic detail. We’ll see if you’re a true detective and can find it.
~Maris The Great
THE DEMISE OF JUKEBOX HARDKNOCKS
JUKEBOX HARDKNOCKS FINAL INTERVIEW
I thought you came more from punk than country music. How did it happen that Jukebox Hardknocks came together for you?
The Andy Christ: I honestly was a country fan before I had even heard of punk. My dad would play nothing but sad, old country music when I was growing up, so it was the first music I ever heard. I had known Tavo thru punk music as well, so when I found out he was also a country music fan, I asked him to jump on drums with me for some country songs I’d written and it just took off from thereMortal Tavo, I crossed paths with you when I was on your superior podcast.
Tavo Dynamite: Yes Sundown on Venus, with Tone Bonius (Man Baloney Tony). That was fantastic. At the time of the interview with you, Jukebox Hardknocks was still in its early stages. We had only had our first live show on new years eve coming into 2021!
Most amazing!
Tavo Dynamite: Anyway.. unsatisfied with the way things were going in the punk scene, Andy and I had talked about forming a different group that was nothing like our bands previously, and we’d always talk about how fun it would be to play outlaw style country music. I knew the strength of Andy’s songwriting and his capabilities as a guitar player , so I said “come to me with any song you want to play, and I’ll play drums over it.” We practiced all the songs on our first release only once and went in to record them at the crash pad the following morning. I don’t think even we knew the shape this band would take on just a few months later.
What was unsatisfying in the punk scene?
Tavo Dynamite: Me personally, I hated everything. General lack of support, playing for grown adults who act like high school bitches is not what I want to do.. For a lot of people in the punk scene in Denver, it’s about image and reputation. One instance is, I’ve had plenty of people tell me they like a certain band I’m in, but they can’t support it publicly because their friends would take offense and it would damage their reputation. That to me makes you fake as fuck, and soft as baby shit. Don’t let someone else tell you want you can and can’t do or listen to. It’s your choice, fuck everyone, and most of all, fuck group-thinking.
Andy, I realize you are at one with Country now, but aren’t you known more for being in punk bands too?
The Andy Christ: Definitely. I’ve always played in punk/hardcore bands and I always will love that type of music.
There was a nasty rumor circulating that you were white power. Weren’t you once in that type of band?
The Andy Christ: Yeah dude, a long time ago I played in a band very briefly because the dude was a friend of mine from way back. I quit the band a long time ago cuz I’m not right wing at all and I didn’t like the political direction the band was going in. It’s pretty embarrassing to me cuz people try to hold that shit over my head. Obviously, I don’t hold those views. Tavo is Mexican, our pedal steel player is Jewish and I’m obviously cool with you being Gay and everything. Anyone who is trying to tell you that I hold any right wing views is completely full of shit. That’s not who I am
Tavo Dynamite: Yeah, fuck white power and any other political bullshit in the world. And if anyone has some shit to talk I’ll gladly beat the fuck outta you. I will fight any keyboard warrior or cancel culture douchebag
OK then! Beefy Johnny Dethray was next to join Jukebox Hardknocks. How did that come together?
Johnny Dethray: I was playing in Curse of 55 with Tavo. Since I was a country fan, I fell right in.
You kind of give the vibe that you are a “have bass will travel” kind of mortal. What are some of the notable other bands you’ve been in or are in right now?
Johnny Dethray: I started in a horror punk band called The Decomposed. But since moving to Colorado, I’ve been involved in a number of projects. I’m working on two other projects at the moment. Jessica Rae and most of Jukebox are in another Horrorpunk project called America’s Most Haunted.
Johnny Dethray: I started in a horror punk band called The Decomposed. But since moving to Colorado, I’ve been involved in a number of projects. I’m working on two other projects at the moment. Jessica Rae and most of Jukebox are in another Horrorpunk project called America’s Most Haunted.
Weren’t you once in prison?
Johnny Dethray: Yeah, a long long time ago. It was an experience to say the least. I cashed a forged check to get a bass amp off layaway. Learned my lesson. Made some friends. Definitely don’t want to take another trip.
What kind of butt sex did you have while in prison?
Is butt sex readily available in prison?
With the prisoners you had around you, would you have been more of a top or a bottom in your particular situation?
Johnny Dethray: A top (laughs)
Have you ever been topped by a female mortal?
Johnny Dethray: Not yet
Have you ever stuck anything up your butt?
Johnny Dethray: I had a proctologist give me an exam when I was 19. After he was done, he tossed a rag at me. It hit me in the face.
The Andy Christ: I wouldn’t have sent it unsolicited (laughs)
As it turns out, you have a very notable peen.
Do you ever fantasize about recreating that exam with your female mortal?
Johnny Dethray: Perhaps.
Andy, you once sent me a pic of your peen and I hadn’t even asked you for it..
The Andy Christ: Yes you did! You asked me for it!
Ok, FINE! I did ask you for it! Sue me!
The Andy Christ: I wouldn’t have sent it unsolicited (laughs)
As it turns out, you have a very notable peen.
The Andy Christ: Hell yeah! It’s real big.
So, how does the plight of your large peen affect your writing?
The Andy Christ: I like to write some of the songs in the style of traditional country, real sad cheatin’ and drinkin’ type songs, but also write darker songs and murder ballads that are more influenced by horror punk.
How involved are the band?
The Andy Christ: I write the songs acoustically by myself and bring the full, completed tunes to practice. The other guys will toss ideas in once they’ve heard it through, so the final product is usually collaborative, with everyone’s own flavor mixed in
Tavo, your drumming is very, very basic. I can’t imagine you feeling satisfied as an artist.
Tavo Dynamite:
Originally traditional country music didn’t contain any drums. Oftentimes the upright bass was the only percussion element In that style.
I didn’t know that.
Tavo Dynamite: I think my drumming thus far, especially on the recordings, is very stripped down to highlight Andrew’s songwriting and voice. Like I said before, when we started we didn’t have a clear idea of how it was going to turn out, being we put out some of those releases before even playing a live show.. Now when we play live as a band, I play a full size kit not just a snare. So I think the next recording we are doing soon will be very different in the way that it will bring out the true sound of Jukebox Hardknocks – the sound people experience live at the show.
I didn’t know that.
Tavo Dynamite: I think my drumming thus far, especially on the recordings, is very stripped down to highlight Andrew’s songwriting and voice. Like I said before, when we started we didn’t have a clear idea of how it was going to turn out, being we put out some of those releases before even playing a live show.. Now when we play live as a band, I play a full size kit not just a snare. So I think the next recording we are doing soon will be very different in the way that it will bring out the true sound of Jukebox Hardknocks – the sound people experience live at the show.
Have you grown as a drummer as a result of playing in this project?
Tavo Dynamite: Yeah. Drumming in this band is a challenge and also a breath of fresh air. I feel like I’ve improved as a musician overall playing this because I’m not boxed into the punk/hardcore style. Its kind of like learning my instrument in a whole new perspective now.
What is the country scene like, here in Denver?
The Andy Christ: Honestly, we’re kinda just building our own scene at the moment. No one is really doing the style of country that we’re playing and most country guys don’t take you seriously if ya have tattoos and fucked up hair, so we’re just playing to anyone that will listen at the moment
Tell me about the EP.
The Andy Christ: It’s a four song release we put out a couple months ago called Alcoholic Anthems. They’re some real stripped down, lonesome sounding songs. Little bit different feel than our previous releases. We have three other releases out as well.
Talk about them…for mortals that don’t know.
The Andy Christ: Our first release is Rocky Mountain Honky Tonk which is a full length. That’s the one we got on cassette for sale. We also have an EP called America’s Most Haunted which is more horror themed songs and a two song tribute of Elvis Costello covers. All those are available to stream on every music platform.
Tell me about your future plans as a band.
The Andy Christ: We’re releasing a split record on vinyl with local singer/Songwriter Jessica Rae here in the fall/winter. Hoping to plan a tour here at some point as well
Tavo Dynamite: This is only the beginning for this band, We still haven’t left our mark on this city but the time has come for a new breed of music, a new scene of outlaw rockers doing what we want and playing what we feel. No rules, no barriers, bringing back the spirit of rockin’ music for the mile high city.
Special thanks to: Photos by J. Andrew and Andrea Putman, Ampt Images Jenn Frankenstein