Ok. Let me start out with my point. You should do guitarist Justin Carbone.

Drift Away Dreamer is a melodic metalcore band with some progressive elements mixed in. They remind me of As I Lay Dying, Misery Signals (who I killed!) Through The Eyes Of The Dead. and Killswitch Engage. They have one album out, with last year’s superb Weathered.

The band came together in 2018 through an evolution of musical projects featuring beady-eyed, yet hunky drummer Tyler Kragenbrink and the aforementioned Justin.  They added bassist  Garrett Nugent and another guitarist in one Adam Crab. But it’s when they added vocalist Justin Purvis, that things began to sizzle.

Justin is one hot man. You’d be a fool to not want to fuck him. He is a bear, complete with man fur and beard on a rugged 6′ 6″ frame. He has stunning blue eyes that you want to gaze deeply into while your legs are draped over his shoulders and he pummels you into the mattress you are both fucking on. I initially named him Just A Pervert, but renamed him Behemoth after he sent pictures of what I initially thought was a very large peen. But it only looked big, because of the angle in which he took the photo. Very sneaky on his part, but I am willing to overlook such guileful behavior in favor of his many favorable bear attributes.

But here’s the thing. After much reflection on the topic, I realized there is no way that Justin can be a top, because he looks too much like one. The planets never lineup that perfectly when you want to fuck someone. The gay rule of thumb is, the more big, butch and burly they are, the more likely they are a bottom. So yeah, while Behemoth is a hot straight man, he is most likely a closeted bottom.

So that brings us back to Justin. He is rippley and lean in all the right places and his butt says POW! Plus, he is very humble and friendly. That is a sure sign that he is well-hung. I had to pour a number of alcoholic beverages down his gullet to get him into show and tell mode, but once I succeeded, my suspicions were proven correct. Justin is packing!

As of this writing, he is single and you ladies should go get him. But just don’t ask him what “Toppin the tator” means.

-Maris The Great